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Band 4.5

More and more people buy a wide range of electrical household goods like television, microwave ovens and rice cookers. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #range #household #goods #television #microwave #ovens #rice #cookers #development
There has been an increase in
consumtion
Correct your spelling
consumption
on
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of
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 electric
household
 devices ,
such
 as
television
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televisions
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,
microwaves
Correct word choice
and microwaves
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 , among other electronics . In my opinion , I do believe that
this
 development in
regards
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regard
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 to
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 will aim to improve people's
life
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lives
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. In
this
 essay , I will
further
 elaborate my views in order to reach
to
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apply
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a logical conclusion .
Overall
, we live in an economy
that is
 constantly developing in
technology
 ,
therefore
 in order to align with the best practices , we must include
technology
 in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
While
 there are various advantages
for
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to
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 using
technology
 in home items ,
however
 , it might
have
Verb problem
be
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 some negative aspects to it that we will discuss
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. First and foremost , using electrical
household
 goods would save much more time
especially
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, especially
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 for parents with a full-time job . Not only that , it will
also
 improve their
life style
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lifestyle
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, by saving them time from house chores .
For example
 , there was a study that
has
Verb problem
was
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 been held in
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Ireland
irleand
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Irleand
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, the study aims to
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analyse
analyze
analayse
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analyse
 the relationship between the time spent
in
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on
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household
 work and whether using
Correct your spelling
electrical
electric
electical
Correct your spelling
electrical
 or basic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
,
as a result
 , it demonstrates that the increase in using
technology
 led to a decrease in
period
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the period
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 of Spent in the
household
 work .
Secondly
, If we
discussed
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discuss
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 the negative aspects
such
 as
extecivly
Correct your spelling
extensively
 using electrical devices it will increase the amount of electricity in use ,
therefore
 it will have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 cost . In terms of non-developed countries with relatively low income would be most
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
. In conclusion ,
while
 there are
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 and negative
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
to
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on
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this
 subject , In
general
Add the comma(s)
general,
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 there must be a balance in terms of using it , in order to maximize the benefits .
Submitted by nouf.alkhalaifi2 on

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Grammar and Spelling
Ensure to proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'consumtion' should be 'consumption', 'irleand' should be 'Ireland').
Examples
Try to provide more specific examples and detailed explanations for your points to make your argument more compelling.
Organization
Organize your points more clearly and logically, ensuring each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and smoothly transitions to the next point.
Vocabulary
Expanding your vocabulary and improving sentence variety can enhance your overall writing quality.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
Content
The main points are relevant to the topic and provide a balanced view of the subject.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both positive and negative aspects, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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