IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified.

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in recent years, many countries banned
smokers
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 from smoking in public
places
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. Smoking in restaurants, parks and in front the
children
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 without their care has a great impact on prevalence of the lung disease and cancer. from my perspective, I fully agree with banning smoking in public
places
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.
Firstly
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, smoking has serious consequences for
smokers
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 themselves, their family and their friends. Passive means inhalation of tobacco smoking which is one of the most dangerous exposures to non-
smokers
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.
For instance
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, Ireland was one of those countries which prevent using of smoking in public
places
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, they record declining in the prevalence of related diseases.
Secondly
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, these restrictions assist
smokers
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 and addicted people to drop out of smoking
whereas
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 the prohibition in public areas could help
smokers
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 to stay a long time without smoke because there are penalties and fines.
However
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, the insertion of these limitations decreases the exposure of
children
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 and ill people who have asthma to the polluted air.
furthermore
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, maintaining of healthy environment, and improving residents’ awareness of the seriousness of
this
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 sequel should come from government laws.
For example
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, some
children
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 who have breathing problems have a history of exposure. In conclusion, I advocate banning smoking in public
places
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 because it can improve the community's health and instill the idea in
children
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 about the effects and disadvantageous of smoking. Statute rules in the country can provide enhanced community awareness.

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task achievement
Work on sentence structures to avoid minor grammatical errors and enhance clarity. For example, the sentence 'Smoking in restaurants, parks and in front the children without their care has a great impact' could be rephrased for better clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to better support the arguments made. Although there is a good example from Ireland, including more examples from different contexts would help strengthen the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve coherence. For instance, use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor punctuation and grammatical errors to enhance the clarity and professional quality of the essay. A thorough proofreading could help catch these errors.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a strong framework for the argument.
task achievement
The main points are well supported, especially with the example from Ireland demonstrating the positive effects of smoking bans.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • prevalence
  • respiratory issues
  • environmental pollution
  • litter
  • healthcare costs
  • smoking-induced illnesses
  • encourage smokers to quit
  • public health improvement
  • justified
  • public spaces
  • exposure
  • non-smokers
  • inconvenience
  • younger populations
What to do next:
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