IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

you recently organised a party for your company at a hotel. write a letter to the hotel manager. in your letter describe the party and how itwent. explain why you were pleased with the hotel's service.suggest some improvements that the hotel could make

#party #company #hotel #manager #itwent #service #improvements
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to thank you and admire your excellent work.
Especially
Rephrase
In particular
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, you
manage
Wrong verb form
managed
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 to provide us with
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 digital screen and wonderful auditory equipment. The party was successful and it went well as planned. It started at 6 p.m. and lasted for 4 hours.
Then
, we gather for the amazing feast featured with seafood
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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processed by a famous Japanese
chief
Correct your spelling
chef
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. I am
delightful
Replace the word
delighted
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 about the
curtesy
Correct your spelling
courtesy
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 of waiters who are well-trained
who
Correct word choice
and
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 always carry polite
smile
Fix the agreement mistake
smiles
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 and greet us politely. They showed great passion
on
Change preposition
for
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 serving
this
 meeting, which impressed us. I recommend the decoration could be better if they are updated into
up-to-date-art
Correct your spelling
up-to-date art
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. We are attracted by the fountain light show in front of the entrance,
however
, the
wall paper
Correct your spelling
wallpaper
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 and the furniture
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 too classic to appeal to
youngsters
Correct article usage
the youngsters
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 of my workmates. Respectfully, I will recommend
this
 hotel and be positive about
this
 experience. Yours faithfully
Submitted by shaobo_xu on

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complete response
Your letter effectively thanks the hotel and describes the general sequence of events. However, it could benefit from more details about how the hotel's service contributed to the success of the party.
single idea per paragraph
The paragraphs could be organized more clearly around single ideas. For example, you could have one paragraph focusing on the service, another on the food, and another on the ambiance and decorations.
logical structure
Consider using more transitional phrases to link your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. This would improve the logical structure of your writing.
suitable writing tone
Your tone is very suitable and polite, which is perfect for a formal letter of this kind.
greeting and closing
The greeting and closing are appropriately formal and respectful.
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