Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the
time
of watching television and playing digital
games
by
children
has been increasing dramatically.
However
, I believe that spending too much
time
on
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apply
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watching movies or playing video
games
has a detrimental effect on
children
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children's
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mental and physical
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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.
In
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On
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one hand, I strongly believe that allocating excessive amounts of
time
on
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to
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electronic devices will lead to mental issues. To commence with
children
's environment should contain a healthy circle of relationships, some young people tend to use up all their free
time
on
the
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apply
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screen
time
instead
of having
a
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apply
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family
time
or doing outdoor activities with their peers.
Therefore
, they are more likely to suffer from mental problems,
such
as autism and depression, which can easily lead to suicidal thoughts.
Furthermore
, from
physical
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a physical
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perspective being stuck behind
the
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a
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chair for a long period of
time
may
effect
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affect
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the
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apply
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physical ability which brings diseases
such
as obesity.
On the other hand
, other people claim that watching a lot of TV programs and playing computer
games
may
inhance
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enhance
children
's knowledge. They firmly insist that
such
platforms can expand
child's
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a child's
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horizons
as well as
cultivates
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cultivate
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his creative thinking.
However
, I don't find
this
argument convincing because
such
habits have destructive results rather than constructive ones.
Therefore
, parents not only
the
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should supervise the
time
spent on
such
devices but
also
they
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should have a close observation
on
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of
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the content of the programs. Research findings confirm that preschool pupils who are familiar with technological software will have better interpersonal skills
as well as
problem-solving abilities in the future. In conclusion, I totally agree with the negative impact of computerized
games
and television on
children
because it exposes them to numerous mental and physical issues.
Submitted by Ayreen🍒 on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear position on the topic. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to substantiate your points further.
coherence cohesion
Some of the points in your paragraphs could be more clearly linked. Try to use transitional phrases more consistently to ensure smooth flow from one idea to another.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are effective, consider refining the logical structure of your argument to make it more compelling. Organize your ideas to ensure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a solid conclusion that effectively summarize your position on the issue.
task achievement
You provide a complete response to the prompt, discussing both sides of the argument and stating your own position clearly.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay is coherent and the main points are presented in a logical order.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • exposure to violence
  • addiction
  • reduced physical activity
  • hand-eye coordination
  • strategic thinking
  • multitasking skills
  • moderation
  • parental guidance
  • balanced approach
  • screen time
  • social interaction
  • sense of community
  • social skills
  • social isolation
  • alternative activities
  • outdoor activities
  • family interaction
  • mental health issues
  • educational programs
  • problem-solving games
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