Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, the
time
of watching television and playing digital games
by children
has been increasing dramatically. However
, I believe that spending too much time
on
watching movies or playing video Change preposition
apply
games
has a detrimental effect on children
mental and physical Change noun form
children's
well being
.
Add a hyphen
well-being
In
one hand, I strongly believe that allocating excessive amounts of Change preposition
On
time
on
electronic devices will lead to mental issues. To commence with Change preposition
to
children
's environment should contain a healthy circle of relationships, some young people tend to use up all their free time
on the
screen Correct article usage
apply
time
instead
of having a
family Correct article usage
apply
time
or doing outdoor activities with their peers. Therefore
, they are more likely to suffer from mental problems, such
as autism and depression, which can easily lead to suicidal thoughts. Furthermore
, from physical
perspective being stuck behind Correct article usage
a physical
the
chair for a long period of Correct article usage
a
time
may effect
Correct your spelling
affect
the
physical ability which brings diseases Correct article usage
apply
such
as obesity.
On the other hand
, other people claim that watching a lot of TV programs and playing computer games
may inhance
Correct your spelling
enhance
children
's knowledge. They firmly insist that such
platforms can expand child's
horizons Correct article usage
a child's
as well as
cultivates
his creative thinking. Correct subject-verb agreement
cultivate
However
, I don't find this
argument convincing because such
habits have destructive results rather than constructive ones. Therefore
, parents not only the
should supervise the Correct article usage
apply
time
spent on such
devices but also
they
should have a close observation Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
the content of the programs. Research findings confirm that preschool pupils who are familiar with technological software will have better interpersonal skills Change preposition
of
as well as
problem-solving abilities in the future.
In conclusion, I totally agree with the negative impact of computerized games
and television on children
because it exposes them to numerous mental and physical issues.Submitted by Ayreen🍒
on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear position on the topic. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to substantiate your points further.
coherence cohesion
Some of the points in your paragraphs could be more clearly linked. Try to use transitional phrases more consistently to ensure smooth flow from one idea to another.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are effective, consider refining the logical structure of your argument to make it more compelling. Organize your ideas to ensure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a solid conclusion that effectively summarize your position on the issue.
task achievement
You provide a complete response to the prompt, discussing both sides of the argument and stating your own position clearly.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay is coherent and the main points are presented in a logical order.