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Band 5

Due to the increasing world demands for oil and gas energy, people need to look for new resources of energy in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages of locating these sources outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #demands #oil #gas #energy #people #resources #places #sources
In the past, many people didn't
used
Change the verb form
use
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 the
resources
 wisely as they were cheap and readily available. Over the years, people realized the importance of oil and gas
energy
, as they found it
scare
Correct your spelling
scarce
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. Natural
resources
 are limited on the planet, and we cannot avoid
the
Correct determiner usage
this
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 fact, because of
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 more and more research
is being taking
Change the verb form
is taking
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 place
at
Change preposition
in
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 remote
places
 and finding
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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substitutes to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 the growing demand. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we will discuss how looking for new
resources
 around new
places
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 more benefits
over
Change preposition
than
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 drawbacks.
To begin
 with, there are countries who have been constantly exploiting one place in search of oil and gas by constantly digging the land
along side
Correct your spelling
alongside
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 polluting the water and killing marine life in search of
energy
.
This
 should be avoided as they can spend more towards research or importing
energy
 that a particular region has exhausted.
For example
,
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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 like Australia are spending more money on research to transform a better substitute, which includes electric and
hydrogen capable
Add a hyphen
hydrogen-capable
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 machines. To add up,
places
 like Antarctica where there are lots of untouched
resources
 should be utilized by other countries. The United Nations should impose rules for regions to limit
energy
 extortion. Remote
places
 like these would help reduce global warming and pace up the formation of new oil and gases are the current place by planting more trees and taking additional measures. Recently on the news, I heard that the counties are moving to the South and north poles to search for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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non-renewable
energy
 to eliminate shortages.
To conclude
,
for
Change preposition
to
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fulfilling
Wrong verb form
fulfil
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 the ever-lasting demand, nations should work together and look for new
places
 around the globe and
to
Verb problem
apply
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find the best substitutes. The current generation cannot be selfish and must take precautions
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that after 100-200 years people can use it.
Submitted by shahpmanan on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a specific aspect of the question. Some points in the essay touched on relevant issues but lacked depth and clarity.
task achievement
Expand on examples with more specific details and show a clear link between examples and your main points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring each sentence smoothly follows the previous one. The essay sometimes jumps between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use more transition words and phrases to enhance cohesion between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly and provides a response to the task, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of exploring new energy sources in remote areas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The points raised are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of the broader implications of energy resource management.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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