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Band 2.5

In many corporations around the world there are fewer women than men in some management positions, and many people believe that this has created inequality in the workplace. Discuss the reasons why this is? How can we solve inequality in the workplace?

#corporations #world #women #men #management #positions #people #inequality #workplace
Hiring men more than
women
 in the important occupational positions across the companies in the world leading an imbalance between the two genders.
This
 essay will argue the negative effect of
this
 situation and how corporations should decrease masculine
dominate
Replace the word
domination
show examples
 by rebuilding new opportunities for females in the markets by the
governments
Change noun form
government's
show examples
sfforts
Correct your spelling
efforts
 to outweigh the issue. The
prefer
Replace the word
preference
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 men in the workplace is related to a tough history in business all around the world throughout the previous centuries which
Add a missing verb
was
show examples
caused by the society that treated
women
 like housewives or workers and they couldn't achieve an important position despite
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rare achievement through that period. in the 70s it was difficult and weird that an instruction project managed by a woman even if she was the best engineer.
For instance
, Zaha Hadeed talked about the struggles of being an Arcitucter woman.
Therefore
, The working community should find a serious solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the inequality and
courage
Correct your spelling
encourage
show examples
women
 to be able to sit on the
managers
Change to a genitive case
manager's
managers'
show examples
 chairs by
offered
Change the form of the verb
offering
show examples
 them
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational and social
apportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to enhance their personalities. investigating
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
's power
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 professional courses and scholarships adding to
awareness
Correct article usage
the awareness
show examples
 of the people like UAE , despite the Arabic traditional habits now the Emarites
women
 can be
a ministers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a minister
ministers
show examples
. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
,governments should
gives
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 the inequality
Correct your spelling
of positions
oppositions
ofpositions
Correct your spelling
positions
 more care by
Submitted by s.q.ismael15 on

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task achievement
Your introduction needs clarity. Clearly state the reasons why there are fewer women in management positions and briefly mention possible solutions.
coherence cohesion
Avoid long, complicated sentences. Keep your sentences clear and concise to help the reader follow your points.
task achievement
You need to provide specific examples to support your main points and make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-structured with topic sentences, supporting details, and concluding sentences.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task: discussing reasons for inequality and suggesting solutions.
task achievement
You have attempted to give historical context and real-life examples, which is good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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