IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years #summarise #features #comparisons #mins
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The graphs below give information about
computer
ownership
 as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010,
It is clear that
 postgraduates are the highest in the
ownership
 of a
computer
 from all other degrees. First of all, the percentage of
computer
ownership
 from 2002-2010
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased dramatically as shown in the graph,
In addition
, in the year 2010 the rate of owning a
computer
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 approximately 76% which is the highest,
Whereas
 the rate of owning a
computer
 in 2002 is the least with about 55%.
Furthermore
, people with no high school diploma are the least
in owning
Wrong verb form
likely to own
show examples
 a
computer
,
whereas
 postgraduates are the
highest
Replace the word
likely
show examples
in owning
Change preposition
to own
show examples
 a personal
computer
 significantly,
Nonetheless
,the percentage
High
Change preposition
of High
show examples
 school graduates that own a
computer
 between 2002 and 2010
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
doubled . In conclusion, the probability of
computer
ownership
 is increasing
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
 year to another
as a result
 of the essentialness of computers in our lives.
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, ownership with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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