Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?
Private
health
services
are getting
less reachable, Verb problem
becoming
due to
the priced
Replace the word
price
medicines
, decreased public support, and higher Change preposition
of medicines
cost
in hospitals. Fix the agreement mistake
costs
While
those services
usually ensure the
Correct article usage
apply
quality
and further
research, this
essay strongly believes that its disadvantages are more impactful than the advantages.
One advantage for
Change preposition
of
this
phenomenon is that additional cost
proves the high quality
of the service. In other words
, treatments with lower costs can be questionable for its
Correct pronoun usage
their
safeness
. Replace the word
safety
For example
, medicine with lower cost
usually has shorter and smaller effects compared to the same type of medicine that prices. Another advantage is that by setting the cost
higher, further
development in the medical industry can be expected. This
is because the more expensive the service is, the more budget is prepared for the industry to continue research.
However
, while
the quality
and future development of the
medical Correct article usage
apply
services
are important, accessibility to private health
care outweighs those advantages. Private health
treatments can be the only services
people take in the
rural areas. Correct article usage
apply
Thus
, it is paramount to keep the expense reasonable for ordinary citizens. Not only because the living area can limit the entrance to medical care, preparing
private Correct word choice
but preparing
services
in general
is essential. Since illness can be treated differently by each doctor, it’s better to prepare several options Add the comma(s)
, in general,
to reach
in case one of the Verb problem
apply
services
does not match the patient. For instance
, the words
“second opinion” is Fix the agreement mistake
word
getting
common in Japan to emphasise the importance of asking for different opinions from other medical institutions.
In conclusion, private Verb problem
becoming
health
services
must keep their prices lower to ensure ordinary citizens’ accessibility. While
costed services
can easily maintain their quality
and have possibility
to seek Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
for
future development, ensuring access to Change preposition
apply
the
medical care for those living in the countryside and preparing opportunities for Correct article usage
apply
“second
opinion” in general is far more crucial.Correct article usage
a “second
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively and given a complete response to the question. However, adding more specific examples to support your points will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs to ensure smooth transitions. Your essay is generally coherent but can benefit from more linking phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion effectively. The conclusion also neatly wraps up your main points.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of private health services, maintaining a balanced analysis.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?