Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

Private
health
services
are
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
less reachable,
due to
the
priced
Replace the word
price
show examples
medicines
Change preposition
of medicines
show examples
, decreased public support, and higher
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
in hospitals.
While
those
services
usually ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
and
further
research,
this
essay strongly believes that its disadvantages are more impactful than the advantages. One advantage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
phenomenon is that additional
cost
proves the high
quality
of the service.
In other words
, treatments with lower costs can be questionable for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
safeness
Replace the word
safety
show examples
.
For example
, medicine with lower
cost
usually has shorter and smaller effects compared to the same type of medicine that prices. Another advantage is that by setting the
cost
higher,
further
development in the medical industry can be expected.
This
is because the more expensive the service is, the more budget is prepared for the industry to continue research.
However
,
while
the
quality
and future development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
services
are important, accessibility to private
health
care outweighs those advantages. Private
health
treatments can be the only
services
people take in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas.
Thus
, it is paramount to keep the expense reasonable for ordinary citizens. Not only because the living area can limit the entrance to medical care,
preparing
Correct word choice
but preparing
show examples
private
services
in general
Add the comma(s)
, in general,
show examples
is essential. Since illness can be treated differently by each doctor, it’s better to prepare several options
to reach
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in case one of the
services
does not match the patient.
For instance
, the
words
Fix the agreement mistake
word
show examples
“second opinion” is
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
common in Japan to emphasise the importance of asking for different opinions from other medical institutions. In conclusion, private
health
services
must keep their prices lower to ensure ordinary citizens’ accessibility.
While
costed
services
can easily maintain their
quality
and have
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
future development, ensuring access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical care for those living in the countryside and preparing opportunities for
“second
Correct article usage
a “second
show examples
opinion” in general is far more crucial.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively and given a complete response to the question. However, adding more specific examples to support your points will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs to ensure smooth transitions. Your essay is generally coherent but can benefit from more linking phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion effectively. The conclusion also neatly wraps up your main points.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of private health services, maintaining a balanced analysis.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
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