IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

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Private
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 are
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 less reachable,
due to
Linking Words
 the
priced
Replace the word
price
show examples
medicines
Change preposition
of medicines
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, decreased public support, and higher
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 in hospitals.
While
Linking Words
 those
services
Use synonyms
 usually ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
 and
further
Linking Words
 research,
this
Linking Words
 essay strongly believes that its disadvantages are more impactful than the advantages. One advantage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is that additional
cost
Use synonyms
 proves the high
quality
Use synonyms
 of the service.
In other words
Linking Words
, treatments with lower costs can be questionable for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
safeness
Replace the word
safety
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, medicine with lower
cost
Use synonyms
 usually has shorter and smaller effects compared to the same type of medicine that prices. Another advantage is that by setting the
cost
Use synonyms
 higher,
further
Linking Words
 development in the medical industry can be expected.
This
Linking Words
 is because the more expensive the service is, the more budget is prepared for the industry to continue research.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
quality
Use synonyms
 and future development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
services
Use synonyms
 are important, accessibility to private
health
Use synonyms
 care outweighs those advantages. Private
health
Use synonyms
 treatments can be the only
services
Use synonyms
 people take in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is paramount to keep the expense reasonable for ordinary citizens. Not only because the living area can limit the entrance to medical care,
preparing
Correct word choice
but preparing
show examples
 private
services
Use synonyms
in general
Add the comma(s)
, in general,
show examples
 is essential. Since illness can be treated differently by each doctor, it’s better to prepare several options
to reach
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in case one of the
services
Use synonyms
 does not match the patient.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
words
Fix the agreement mistake
word
show examples
 “second opinion” is
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 common in Japan to emphasise the importance of asking for different opinions from other medical institutions. In conclusion, private
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 must keep their prices lower to ensure ordinary citizens’ accessibility.
While
Linking Words
 costed
services
Use synonyms
 can easily maintain their
quality
Use synonyms
 and have
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
 to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
future development, ensuring access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical care for those living in the countryside and preparing opportunities for
“second
Correct article usage
a “second
show examples
 opinion” in general is far more crucial.

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task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively and given a complete response to the question. However, adding more specific examples to support your points will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs to ensure smooth transitions. Your essay is generally coherent but can benefit from more linking phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion effectively. The conclusion also neatly wraps up your main points.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of private health services, maintaining a balanced analysis.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
What to do next:
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