IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You use the local swimming pool often and during one of your visits you have encountered a problem. Write a letter to the manager and say – What the problem was and when it happened – What the swimming pool staff have done about it – Suggest your own solution to the problem.

#pool #visits #manager #staff
Dear Manager, I am writing
this
 letter to inform you that I found a problem when we visited your swimming pool, and one of my friends
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 not convenient
visit
Add the particle
to visit
show examples
 there First of all, we often visit your swimming pool and we see the water in the swim very dirty and
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
rubbish and
also
 the
staff
 do not care about it. so we
feel not
Verb problem
felt
show examples
 uncomfortable swimming there
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
staff
Correct your spelling
ticketing
tiketing
Correct your spelling
did
 not respond
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the visitor
Therefore
, your
staff
 have to care and often check the condition and always suit the water every day. I found rubbish in the toilet and less dirty, I hope your
staff
 more care with
this
 situation, I hope you fix your management and you can give job dish so that your
staff
 definition to
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
. and keep the clean every time, thank you so much for your time . I am looking forward to hearing from you soon yours sincerely promo
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

single idea per paragraph
Ensure that each paragraph has a single clear idea to improve clarity and coherence.
logical structure
Improve the logical structure by organizing the letter better and making sure each part flows smoothly into the next.
greeting and closing
The greeting and closing of the letter are appropriate and polite.
complete response
The letter addresses the key points: the problem, staff response, and suggested solution.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: