Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal informations such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. discuss both views and include your opinion.
It is debatable whether
candidants
should disclose personal Correct your spelling
candidates
information
about themselves . In my opinion , I believe that it depends on the specific Use synonyms
information
that their required to say . in Use synonyms
this
essay , I will Linking Words
further
elaborate Linking Words
my
view in Change preposition
on my
order
to reach Use synonyms
to
a logical conclusion .
Change preposition
apply
Overall
, Linking Words
empolyers
tend to ask certain Correct your spelling
employers
employees
question
in Fix the agreement mistake
questions
order
to gather some additional Use synonyms
information
, Use synonyms
this
particularly helps them navigate their candidates, to analyse whether they will be a good fit Linking Words
to
the company's values and culture .
On Change preposition
for
one
hand , some Correct article usage
the one
individual
agree with Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
this
approach , Linking Words
beacuse
they believe that it benefits them Correct your spelling
because
on
the long term . Change preposition
in
for instance
, by explaining their Linking Words
intrest
, the employer will have the chance to understand them on a deeper level in Correct your spelling
interest
interests
order
to find the right Use synonyms
postition
for them, in a way that benefits the company and enhance their skills in their field of interest that would lead them to Correct your spelling
position
acheive
their career goals .
Correct your spelling
achieve
On the other hand
, some people consider it irrational to disclose personal data , Linking Words
such
as relationship status and Linking Words
hobbied
. Correct your spelling
hobbies
hobbled
this
could lead to a Linking Words
misinterpitation
Correct your spelling
misinterpretation
to
Change preposition
of
a
one's capabilities . Correct article usage
apply
for example
, it Linking Words
known
that women who are married or have kids Add the auxiliary verb
is known
dont
have enough time to pursue a career so they would be rejected . which is completely irrelevant and could possibly increase the unemployment rates which Correct your spelling
don't
negitavely
Correct your spelling
negatively
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
the
economic growth .
In conclusion , in Correct article usage
apply
order
to fully estimate Use synonyms
this
approach we must analyse it from a broad angle , Linking Words
such
as the kind of Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
that is
being stated , and what Linking Words
it's
effects .in general , people should only disclose Correct your spelling
its
information
Use synonyms
that is
relevant to the job's Linking Words
requirments
.Correct your spelling
requirements
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task achievement
The essay meets the task requirement but can be improved by presenting more balanced viewpoints with clearer examples.
task achievement
Some sentences are awkward or unclear due to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Proofreading and refinement would help improve this.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas could be expanded further to provide a comprehensive discussion. For example, consider supporting arguments with more relevant examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs flow well overall, but transitions could be smoother to ensure complete logical coherence. Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context and states your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points well and reiterates the need for relevance in the information provided.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The essay makes good points about the potential benefits and drawbacks of providing personal information during job applications.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.