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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.
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The bar charts illustrate the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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workers in three majors across four nations in 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the portion of all nations’ industry increased except
China
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,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of industry and
services
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 increased in two periods in 1980 and 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
,
China
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 has a higher
percentage
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 of agriculture than other nations. In 1980,
China
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 accounted for the
most
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highest
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percentage
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 of agriculture, approximately 70%,
while
Linking Words
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USA
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the USA
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,
Germany
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 and
Japan
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around
Add a missing verb
were around
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 10%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
China
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was
Verb problem
had
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 the lowest portion of industry, around 40%, and
Germany
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was
Verb problem
had
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 the highest
percentage
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, 60%.
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Usa
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USA
 and
Japan
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 were similar, 51% and 49%, respectively. The
services
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 of four nations including the
USA
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,
China
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,
Germany
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 and
Japan
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 were lower than 50% and the lowest
percentage
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 was
Japan
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. In three more decades,
China
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 still accounted for the highest ranking
of
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in
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 agriculture, 50%, and The
USA
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,
Germany
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,
Japan
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 contributed to lower than one in tenth, 1%, 3% and 7%, respectively. The
services
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 of
Germany
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, The
USA
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, and
Japan
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 decreased,
while
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 that of
China
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 did not change. The
services
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 of
Germany
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 still ranked the top one, 40%, and the
USA
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,
Japan
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 and
China
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 decreased to nearly 39%, 30% and 22%, in that order.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words china, services, percentage, usa, germany, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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