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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph below shows the average temperatures of three Afrecan cities through the year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the average temperatures of three Afrecan cities through the year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given line chart demonstrates the average degrees of three African cities throughout the year,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 Mombasa had the highest temperature in January.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart,
Cairo
Use synonyms
 was the lowest city in temperatures from all others as shown in the graph,
However
Linking Words
, it had a significant increase until August when it was at its highest degree
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the year
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but dropped gradually from September to December.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Cape Town is completely opposite to
Cairo
Use synonyms
 in seasons, in the months
June
Change preposition
of June
show examples
, July and August it had the lowest average temperatures,
Where as
Correct your spelling
Whereas
show examples
 Egypt had the hottest weather in these three months, which means that summer in
Cairo
Use synonyms
 is actually winter in Cape Town. In conclusion, Mombasa and Cape Town share the same Season periods,
whereas
Linking Words
 Egypt is opposite to them, for illustration, if
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 summer in
Cairo
Use synonyms
, it will be winter in South Africa and Kenya.
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cairo with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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