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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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In
this
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 community,
children
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 and pupils are the most important people, they are the future of the country.
Thus
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, it is very essential to teach about the benefits of good habits and
also
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 alert them about the consequences of bad habits
in
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at
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their
Change the word
a
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 younger age. At the same time, punishment should be very important, because it can help
children
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 to move in the right direction. I strongly agree
on
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with
show examples
this
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 statement by giving the below-mentioned points.
Initially
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,
teachers
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 and
parents
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 are the guardians of the
children
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 during their kinder age.
Moreover
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, schools are the best place for students to teach good habits,
hence
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teachers
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 are more responsible for it. During the kinder age
children
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’s minds should be very active and they can learn anything even if
that is
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 good or bad.
Thus
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,
teachers
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 should guide the pupils in a stringent way
then
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 only they will become
a
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apply
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good
citizen
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citizens
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 in society,
otherwise
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, if the
teachers
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will
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apply
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give more freedom and treat the pupils softly,
this
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 may lead them to become extravagant or indolent in
the
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apply
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society. To illustrate, in my country
teachers
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 are enrolled to punish the students
,
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apply
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 if the students don’t obey the rules and restrictions.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 spent maximum time with their
parents
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 after their school.
Hence
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,
parents
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 must be to contribute to foster their
children
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 in a good manner.
Additionally
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,
parents
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 should not misbehave in front of their
children
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.
For example
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, drinking and smoking, because
this
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 may stimulate them to do that.
In addition
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,
parents
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 have more rights to punish their
children
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, if they do any wrong activities.
To conclude
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,
parents
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 and
teachers
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 both contribute to fostering
children
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 in a good way. Whilst, punishment is very important for
children
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then
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 only they are frightened to do any illegal activities.

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task achievement
Try to improve the clarity and depth of your ideas. Make sure each point you make is fully explained and supported with clear examples. Additionally, avoid repetition and ensure that each paragraph explores a distinct point.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow of ideas. When shifting from one point to another, use transitional phrases effectively.
language
Watch out for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Cleaning up the language will make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which are well-developed.
task achievement
Each main point is supported with explanations and some examples, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logically laid out with distinct paragraphs for different points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
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