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Band 5

More and more people nowadays visit well-known places to take photographs of themselves, without looking at the place. Why do you think this happen? Is it a positive or negative trend?

#people #visit #places #photographs #place #happen #trend
Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
 are more interested in taking photos
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 famous
places
instead
 of exploring and visiting them.
While
 there are some reasons behind that, I believe it is a disadvantageous trend. The first reason comes from one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 most important ways of communication in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era:
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media. On these platforms,
people
 upload their photos and share them with their social friends. Receiving more attention,
such
 as “likes” or “comments”, stimulates a fulfilling sense. To encourage more followers to do so, the account owner devotes most of his time and energy
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 taking photos
instead
 of exploring the
place
.
Moreover
,
people
 like to explore unfamiliar
places
,
instead
 of familiar ones, and gain information about them. When they visit a known
place
, they spend more time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing other activities like photography. Having access to a large amount of information on the internet, like virtual
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
, reduces the number of unknown
places
.
This
 development has negative impacts on the
place
as well as
 individuals. Most of these
well-know
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
places
 are historical, and
flash lights
Correct your spelling
flashlights
show examples
 are extremely harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 them, especially when there are
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 paintings.
Also
,
people
 may touch sensitive materials or objects when they want to pose, which may cause
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to the
place
.
Moreover
, devoting most of their time to
capture
Wrong verb form
capturing
show examples
 pictures reduces the satisfaction from firsthand experiences. A Better angle or background scene is what they look for;
instead
 of gaining as much as they can from their physical presence. In conclusion,
although
 there are rational explanations for why a growing number of
people
 go to these
places
 just for photography, in my opinion, it has serious negative impacts on them.
Submitted by m.ali.gholamalian on

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task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument more compelling and demonstrate your ability to use examples effectively.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly expressed and fully developed. You can achieve this by elaborating more on your points and connecting them seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to logical transitions between paragraphs and sentences. This will help enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, providing reasons for the trend and discussing its negative impacts.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and they provide a clear start and finish to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay uses appropriate linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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