IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Men are placed in mist high-level jobs. Government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women. Do you agree or disagree?

#men #mist #jobs #government #percentage #women
It is argued that most high positions jobs are held by males. A school of thought holds
perception
Add an article
the perception
show examples
 that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should promote certain portions of these vacancies to females. I totally disagree with the statement above. The essay will elaborate on the writer's opinion. To commence with, males are created in a way that, they
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
 certain energy that
women
lacked
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
. Men can work as many hours without breaks or excuses from their company.
In contrast
, females
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to get exhausted
in
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 given time
such
 as menstrual cramps. Which reduces the effectiveness of the job.
In addition
, there are certain caliber of jobs that require
majority
Add an article
a majority
the majority
show examples
 of males to be heads
for instance
 machinery operator and heavy
fork lifting
Correct your spelling
forklifting
.
In contrast
, " there is a saying what men can do
women
 can do better " but females are keen to their family thereby deterring themselves from certain positions.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of higher ranks
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 with a lot of travelling overseas,
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 does not work for
women
 since no one
available
Add a missing verb
is available
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home to take care of their wards.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 if the person is a single mother.
To conclude
,
due to
 health issues like menstruation and lack of proper parenting most institutions prefer giving higher ranks to men than
women
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your essay would benefit from an introduction that is more clear and engaging. Ensure that you properly introduce the topic and clearly state your position.
supported main points
While your main points are evident, they need to be more developed and supported with specific examples. Work on expanding your arguments with more evidence and details.
logical structure
Ensure your paragraphs are well-connected with transitional phrases. This will make your essay flow more smoothly and improve coherence.
complete response
You have addressed the prompt and made clear your stance on the issue. This shows you understand the task requirements.
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes some relevant considerations, such as work hours and family commitments, which are important to the discussion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: