IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security. But others believe that people cannot always enjoy their jobs and having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security #jobs
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The most debatable argument is
wheather
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whether
a
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apply
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satisfaction in a job is necessary or a secured position. Few people think that it is important to work on passion and enjoy.
However
, others argue that a secured job allows you
with
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apply
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great benefits which
is
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are
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 significantly important. In
this
 essay, I will present both arguments with valid
reason
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reasons
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along with
 my
persepective
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perspective
. To embark on, Contention is important for
a
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the
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 well-being of a person as it impacts
on
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apply
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mental and physical health. Authority to manage the work-life provides a sense of fulfilment to an individual.
Moreover
, it helps to adjust their schedule, they can take
holdiays
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holidays
 without permission and enjoy
with
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themselves with
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 family,
results
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which results
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 in
metal
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mental
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 stability. They can take days off, if they are not feeling good without
concerning
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concern
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 about workload,
as a consequence
 they are fit and
not
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do not
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 face any physical issues. To be clearer, a person who is working for
a
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an
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 agency as a nurse can opt
their
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for their
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 own timetable of work, can pick up shifts for higher rates and get the opportunity to work in different places.
Therefore
, I think satisfaction is important for
physical
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the physical
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 and mental growth of a person as it helps to maintain a good life.
On the other hand
, a
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permanent
permanant
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permanent
 position provides
Correct your spelling
secure
security
securi
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security
Submitted by harshitkaur321 on

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task achievement
Ensure to address all parts of the question comprehensively. Your essay stops abruptly while discussing job security. An effective conclusion summarizing both viewpoints and stating your opinion explicitly is critical.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay easier to read and understand. Additionally, make sure all your paragraphs are well-developed.
accuracy
Check your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. For instance, correct terms like 'contention', 'holdiays', 'metal', 'securi' to 'contentment', 'holidays', 'mental', 'security', respectively, and ensure subject-verb agreement.
task achievement
Good effort in presenting both arguments regarding job satisfaction and job security.
task achievement
Your essay contains some relevant examples, especially when describing a nurse's working conditions, which adds credibility to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. **Job Satisfaction**: Fulfillment, pleasure, gratification, contentment, happiness at work, engaging work, meaningful work, passionate career.
  • 2. **Job Security**: Stability, permanence, steady income, financial security, long-term employment, dependable employment, stability in the workplace.
  • 3. **Work-Life Balance**: Equilibrium, harmonious work-life, time management, personal time, family time, balance between professional and personal life.
  • 4. **Mental Health**: Well-being, psychological health, stress reduction, emotional health, workplace happiness.
  • 5. **Professional Growth**: Career advancement, skill development, learning opportunities, professional development, personal growth.
  • 6. **Economic Conditions**: Job market, employment rates, economic stability, financial climate, recession, economic downturn.
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