IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A glance at the data illustrates the
share
Use synonyms
 of different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
world
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
, namely,
China
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most striking is each
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
country demonstrated favorite
food
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to each other. The most striking
consumption
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide is dominated by Processed
food
Use synonyms
 for almost half of
shares
Add an article
the shares
show examples
 around 41%.
This
Linking Words
 condition
also
Linking Words
 reflected in
China
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
, which is shows the dominant value of
share
Use synonyms
. The next variant is
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 and fruits
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 already spend around 29%. It is
also
Linking Words
 mirrored in
China
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
India
Change noun form
India's
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 of Vegetables and fruits. The attention is
also
Linking Words
 spotted on nuts and seeds
consumption
Use synonyms
, even though the aggregate of
world
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
 4%, the condition
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
seem different from
China
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
, meanwhile the
utilize
Replace the word
utilisation
show examples
 of
nut
Fix the agreement mistake
nuts
show examples
 and seeds
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
appears in high portion rather than the aggregate, since the data on
China
Use synonyms
 19%, and
India
Use synonyms
 11%. All of
Linking Words
this condition
Fix the agreement mistake
these conditions
show examples
 already exceed the shares of
world
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 on it.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
share
Correct article usage
the share
show examples
 percentage of utilization the Processed
food
Use synonyms
 in
China
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
around
Add a missing verb
is around
show examples
 one-third among
others kind
Fix the agreement mistake
other kinds
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
, and it
reflected
Add a missing verb
is reflected
show examples
 by the
world
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 percentage.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words share, world, food, consumption, china, india with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: