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Band 1.5

The graph below she's the percentage of new zealand school children latching second language by language leading for three years 2006 to 2014.

#percentage #zealand #school #children #second #language #three #years
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The line graph presented below depicts the average percentage of primary school students Learning a second language between 2006 and 2014. Basically, the data indicates the number of children interested in learning five different languages namely French, Spanish,
japanese
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Japanese
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, Chinese, and German over eight years, measured in percentage. The top two languages gaining popularity among children are French,
Spanish
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and Spanish
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 standing at an average of 30% and 25% with relatively low fluctuations. Followed by, japanese starting
around
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at around
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 25% and seeing a marked decline in 2010,
endings
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ending
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just
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at just
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 under 20% by 2014.
On the other hand
, students are least interested in learning Chinese with a decreased percentage starting
just
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at just
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 over 5%, later seeing a slight rise
upto
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up to
 15%.
Whereas
, the German remained static with
a
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apply
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mild fluctuations ending at 7% over the years.
Submitted by brahmani.yl on

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task achievement
The essay introduces the graph and provides an overall summary, which is good. However, the introduction could be strengthened by specifying the countries explicitly and more clearly defining the range of years (2006 to 2014).
coherence cohesion
Adding a conclusion would help summarize the key points and provide a sense of closure.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data points from the graph to support your claims. Mentioning exact percentages at specific years rather than ranges would make your response more precise.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of highlighting the key trends in the data, such as the popularity of French and Spanish languages.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is well-maintained; each language is discussed in its own right before moving on to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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