The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. Do you agree or disagree?
There is no denying that in
this
contemporary era, there is a disbalance between youngers
and elders in holding high statuses Correct your spelling
younger
such
as chief and director. However
, the young generation is also
being appreciated and suggested to high positions by many people
. From my standpoint, even if there is a young generation with high potential, in ruling
big companies, Change preposition
to rule
experience
of old Add an article
the experience
people
plays a crucial role rather than other aspects.
To begin
with, there are several reasons to propose to young people
for being
leaders or directors. First and foremost, the majority of juveniles are becoming more potential than past, and Change preposition
to be
therefore
, they can compete with elders. Moreover
, as the global population is growing, the number of young personnels
is rising too. It is precedented that some old Correct your spelling
personnel
people
tend to keep staying in high posts even if they have already reached the age of retirement on a pension. Last
but not least, the upcoming generation is being educated with last
and modern materials and getting newer knowledge, which
can respond to modern challenges
On the other hand
, i
believe that there are certain reasons that justify the value of experienced Change the capitalization
I
people
in heading posts. Firstly
, the role of experience
in holding high degrees is irreplaceable, and it is a thing that can not be acquired by gaining knowledge. To explain, although
youngs
are thirsty to work harder and have more potential, they will never obtain the Correct your spelling
young
experience
that older people
have as experience
is accumulated by years, not by reading books. For instance
, in Uzbekistan , there is a restriction in age for being entitled for
the post of president, and one needs to reach 35 years old to get a proxy for being voted.
Change the preposition
to
To conclude
, despite the facts like potential
and novelty of knowledge in Correct article usage
the potential
favor
of younger Change the spelling
favour
people
, i
give Change the capitalization
I
a
great value to Correct article usage
apply
experience
and reckon that older people
should be selected more to
high-regarded posts like chief and director.Change preposition
for
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain the reader’s flow. While your introduction sets the stage well, some parts of the essay could benefit from clearer linking phrases to enhance the logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
Be cautious with grammar and spelling errors. For example, words like 'disbalance' should be 'imbalance,' and personal pronouns like ‘i’ should be capitalized. Additionally, be careful with your use of definite and indefinite articles as well as punctuation in complex sentences.
task achievement
The essay could use more specific and varied examples to substantiate your points. Providing concrete evidence will make your argument more compelling and your essay more robust.
task achievement
Make sure the conclusion summarizes the main points discussed clearly. It's already well-intentioned, but restating key points more explicitly would give your conclusion more weight.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is comprehensive and provides a clear insight into the essay's topic. You have effectively laid out both sides of the argument.
general
You maintain a formal and academic tone throughout the essay, which is very appropriate for IELTS. This shows a good command of the language and awareness of the required writing style.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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