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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph shows the rates of participation in three different activities in a UK sports club between 1995 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the rates of participation in three different activities in a UK sports club between 1995 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph provides information regarding the proportion of
participation
Use synonyms
 in (swimming, team
sports
Use synonyms
, and gym activities) in the UK
sports
Use synonyms
 clubs, over the course of 20 years, from 1995 to 2015. In the y-axis between zero to 60%.
overall
Linking Words
, swimming had the most
participation
Use synonyms
 in
year
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
 1995 with 50% and
then
Linking Words
 started to fall down till
year
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
 2010 with 10%
participation
Use synonyms
 and remained stable between 2011 to 2015,
Furthermore
Linking Words
, team
sports
Use synonyms
 remained steady from 1995 to 2005 with 30%
of
Change preposition
apply
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participation
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 it climbed and reached 40% in 2010 drop down again to be 30% in 2015
year
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
,
In addition
Linking Words
, gym activities had 5% in 1995
year
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
,
Therefore
Linking Words
, it start to grow up to 20% in 2010 and remain steady from 2011 to 2015.
In addition
Linking Words
, we see team
sports
Use synonyms
 are the most participated in 2015, Therefor, swimming was the least participated activity in
2015
Change the article
the 2015
show examples
year
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by aziz1dakhil on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participation, sports, year, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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