IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the percentage of Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.

The graph below shows the percentage of Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.
The given
grap
Correct your spelling
graph
 provides information about the rate of labour forces who want to
work
Use synonyms
 in Australia in five various industries from 1962 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, working in different services made up the higher contribution all over the period than the other types of
work
Use synonyms
 . We can see from the
grap
Correct your spelling
graph
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that about 52
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 of Australian workers decided to
work
Use synonyms
 at the services after a decade it increased 10% . Afterwards, working in the services reached a peak at less than
four fifths
Add a hyphen
four-fifths
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at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, manufacturing was
Correct article usage
the
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second
dominated
Replace the word
dominant
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work
Use synonyms
 type at the beginning of the year at more than a
fifths
Correct the article-noun agreement
fifth
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, manufacturing and construction had
the
Correct article usage
apply
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accessed
Replace the word
access
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at
Change preposition
in
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 the same year in 2010.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, mining made up the smallest percentage over the all year . Some sorts of jobs
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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related to agriculture started at nearly 10
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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while
Linking Words
 in 2010 it possessed
at
Change preposition
apply
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approximately 7 proportion.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • workforce
  • sector
  • decline
  • increase
  • transition
  • trend
  • innovation
  • efficiency
  • service-oriented economy
  • outsourcing
  • global trend
  • expanding
  • fluctuating
  • urban expansion
  • infrastructure development
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