More people today put their personal and private information online (address, telephone number, credit card number) to do everyday activities such as banking, shopping, and socializing. Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, with the development of technologies, people tend to put their personal and private
information
online to serve all activities such
as baking, shopping online, or socializing. In my opinion, there are more drawbacks than benefits and this
essay will present some reasons why I am convinced by that statement.
On the one hand, admit that putting personal and private data
in
the Internet is very useful for users. First of all, when opening a bank account or doing administrative paperwork is very complicated and annoying. Change preposition
on
Therefore
, updating personal information
can help residents save time when carrying down these things. Another benefit is that this
makes signing in to these accounts easier for inhabitants. For example
, when someone need
to try to sign into a bank account during an emergency. They can use their Change the verb form
needs
data
which has been updated to sign at fast speed instead
of choosing security questions or remembering the key number.
On the other hand
, there are some problems need
to be paid attention to. Correct pronoun usage
that need
First,
it is not safe to publish private data
online. Hackers can easily stole
people's Change the verb form
steal
information
to serve their bad aims like stoling
money from banks, online fraud, or spreading fictitious Correct your spelling
stealing
information
. In addition
, sometimes, there are lots of humans who are really free to make prank calls. Therefore
, some residents are annoyed every time.
In conclusion, although
there are some advantages when putting information
online, but
in my view, the drawbacks still outweigh them. People need to be careful when updating their Remove the conjunction
apply
data
in
the Internet.Change preposition
on
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coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph develops one clear main idea and is logically connected to the next. This will help to create a more fluid and structured essay.
task achievement
For a higher task achievement score, try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points. This will make your argument more compelling and clearer.
general
Watch out for grammatical errors and awkward phrases, such as "carrying down these things" and "stoling money." Improving grammatical accuracy will enhance clarity and make a better impression.
coherence and cohesion
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument and provides a well-written introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified several relevant points for both the positive and negative aspects of sharing personal information online, which addresses the question comprehensively.