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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows employment patterns for males and females in New Zealand in 1993 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows employment patterns for males and females in New Zealand in 1993 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#employment #patterns #males #females #zealand #summarise #information #features #comparisons
the table below shows employment patterns for males and
females
 in
new zealand
Correct your spelling
New Zealand
show examples
 in 1993 and 2003. In general, the occupation distribution rate in
this
 country has a clear difference between the two sexes In 1993,
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
 and transport proportion
womanly is
Verb problem
was
show examples
 53% and guy to occupy 22%. Meanwhile, in 2003
this
 number has
change
Change the verb form
changed
show examples
 is
females
 36% and 31%.
In addition
, business and social services in both sexes all tend to increase. With agriculture, most notably is
males
Change the noun form
male
show examples
 workforce has dropped sharply
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 38% in 1993 and 8 % in 2003. Over
ten
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
year
Correct your spelling
ten-year
show examples
 period, manufacturing has
change
Change the verb form
changed
show examples
 not big about employment
females
 and males workforce with
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 is 25% dropped 13% in 2003, man almost keep the same with 16% in 1993 and 17% in 2003.
Last
Correct article usage
The last
show examples
 one in the chart is building
females
 with
starting
Correct article usage
a starting
show examples
 point in 1993 is zero has increased
6
Change preposition
by 6
show examples
% in 2003, meanwhile in
man
Correct your spelling
the male
show examples
 workforce in 1993
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 12% has
drop
Change the verb form
dropped
show examples
 10% in 2003z
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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