Parents, usually mothers, give up work, choose to stay at home and look after families. Some people think that government should give them salary. Do you agree or disagree.

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Some people believe that
stay at home
Add a hyphen
stay-at-home
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parents
who are responsible for taking care of family members should have regular payments from the government. It seems that they deserve it since looking after family is a
full
Correct word choice
full-time
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job and does not include any
time
off from work.
To begin
with, these
parents
do not have
time
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
something new or take a job as they are always busy taking care of members of the family. Not only are they accountable for taking taking care of family, but
also
they have to do
house work
Correct your spelling
housework
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such
as doing dishes or laundry. These activities are so
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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that they do not have a chance to learn a new skill or have some leisure
time
for themselves.
For example
, a mother
who'd
Correct your spelling
who's
show examples
responsible for housework is so busy all day that she cannot find some
time
for herself in order to attend a class.
Furthermore
, these
parents
often get tired of doing these responsibilities without being appreciated. Since these tasks are routine they can eas6be bored and lose their internet. Paying them on a casual basis can make them motivated and
also
they may feel beneficial. To illustrate
this
, when a
stay at home
Add a hyphen
stay-at-home
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mother receives money as a salary, she feels that she is valuable
for
Change preposition
to
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society so, she gets motivated and tries to do her responsibilities better.
To sum up
, governments should formulate some policies in order to pay
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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to
stay at home
Add a hyphen
stay-at-home
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parents
in order to make them motivated and eager. Since these
parents
have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sacrificed their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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for their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
, they do not have
time
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
a new skill or
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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a job so, the housework should be their source of income.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
The essay covers relevant points and maintains clarity in expressing ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your argument.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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