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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. Describe the information presented below. Comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. Describe the information presented below. Comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
#hours #work #week #people #categories #information #results #men #women
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The bar graph illustrates the comparison of unpaid
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 per week on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
average which are done by
men
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 and females in various
categories
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. The most significant
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
show examples
 to emerge from
this
Linking Words
 graph
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
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 significantly influences
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women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 in a week
while
Linking Words
 the unpaid
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 determined by
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of
children
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. Looking at the details, the
number
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 of married
women
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 and married
men
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 without
children
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 have slight differences where the group of married females
work
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 around 30
hours
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in
Change preposition
apply
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a week
while
Linking Words
 married
men
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
categories
Fix the agreement mistake
category
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 about 19
hours
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
categories
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 of
women
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 who have one and have more than three
children
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 share almost a similar
number
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 where the
number
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 of weekly
hours
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 they spend
reach
Change the verb form
reaches
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 around 52 and 55
hours
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 respectively. Meanwhile, the group of married
men
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 who have one and three
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 just under 20
hours
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 which is two times lower than married
women
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 in the same
categories
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by k a l l a on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, hours, men, categories, number, children, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unpaid work
  • Household chores
  • Gender roles
  • Disparity
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural norms
  • Full-time housewives
  • Part-time jobs
  • Traditional responsibilities
  • Domestic roles
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