The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information bt selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph  below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.

Summarise the information bt selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
In the olden days, people used to die early because of improper treatments and lack of medicines. In the digital
age
, people’s
age
has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased with the inventions of the latest health and technical systems.
While
many people believe that seniors have a burden on the Governments, others say that these bring more benefits to the nation
such
as providing training to youngsters and looking after their grandchildren.
This
essay will discuss why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
, the main reason is that in the commercial sector, they already contributed during their employment period and have more technical skills as compared to the younger generation. The companies may utilize their skills and experiences, to hire them for motivation and training. Another reason is that they can fill the labour shortage gaps. Some countries are suffering from a labour shortage and elder technicians are the best option to hire them.
For example
, in Japan, many seniors are still working and contributing to Japan’s economy, which is why Japan is very powerful in the world.
Secondly
, after retiring from their jobs , ex-employees look after their grandchildren and save heaps of money
instead
of sending them to childcare centres. Another factor is that family heads have more practical experiences than other members, so they can provide guidance for any upcoming property deals and family issues.
For example
, if a child chooses any wrong business, the parents give them the right direction to choose a business or job.
In contrast
, it is true that retirees have a burden on the health care system to keep them in hospitals and
age
care centres which requires a lot of money.
In addition
, if they are at home somebody must be looking after them so one person wastes his time looking after them and in a competition period. In conclusion, following the analysis,
it is clear that
only a few reasons, the disadvantages cannot outweigh on advantages. So these people already played important roles in their lives,
while
they were younger and it is going to happen in everyone’s life. So we cannot neglect them from their
age
factor.
Further
, it is predicted that in the future family members and the Authorities cannot ignore them from the mainstream and
this
development is going to continue in the future as well.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for example, while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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