IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentages of volunteers by organizations in 2008 and 2014.

The charts below show the percentages of volunteers by organizations in 2008 and 2014.
#show #percentages #volunteers #organizations
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The present bar chars
compre
Correct your spelling
compare
 data about the
Correct your spelling
proportion
proporion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who were volunteers by organizations in 6
Correct your spelling
different
differnt
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different
 items in 2008 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the first
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 the main things that
people
Use synonyms
applyed
Correct your spelling
applied
 for it were Educational and Environment
instead
Linking Words
 of Health care.
In addition
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the second
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 all items except
education
Use synonyms
 were the same as the
firt
Correct your spelling
first
 one, but
education
Use synonyms
 altered with sport.
According to
Linking Words
 the 2008 diagram, the main reason
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
people
Use synonyms
 wanted to work was
Educational
Replace the word
Education
show examples
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 24%;
then
Linking Words
 environment and Art were the famous with 21, and 18 per cent;
moreover
Linking Words
, the number of Others was equal to sport
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 15%;
however
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 thing that
people
Use synonyms
 do not like it was health care. The given plot in 2014
demonstrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrates
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 could not be
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same level
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 in 2008 and reduced to the third item by 17% , yet environment and sport had nearly 10%
climbed
Wrong verb form
climb
show examples
, which got the first and second level.
Also
Linking Words
, Art and Others like
education
Use synonyms
 had
6
Correct article usage
a 6
show examples
per cent
declined
Replace the word
decline
show examples
;
although
Linking Words
,
th
Correct your spelling
the
last
Linking Words
 category was roughly the same as in 2008.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • proportion
  • volunteer
  • organizations
  • data
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • notable
  • significant
  • compare
  • contrast
  • analyze
  • highlight
  • observe
  • economic
  • societal
  • changes
  • overall
  • key observations
  • notably
  • fluctuate
  • stable
  • marked
  • growth
  • decline
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