IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think that violent films and video games have negative effects on people and should be banned. Others think that they are just relaxation sources. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#minutes #topic #people #films #video #games #effects #relaxation #sources
The way that
violence
 in
games
 and the
media
 affects people is one of the problems facing today's society.
While
 some argue that these kinds of movies shouldn't be shown in public, others think they're necessary for viewers to remain composed and let go of their resentment. As long as parents watch over their kids and make sure they are exposed to the least amount of
violence
 in
media
 and video
games
, I tend to agree with the latter viewpoint. Some people are against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
 in any type of
media
. They believe that if brutality is seen in the movies and violent activities are done in
videogames
Correct your spelling
video games
show examples
, it is more likely for people to consider acting
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
.
Hence
, in some situations
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 anger takes control, the
subconsious
Correct your spelling
subconscious
 may take the role.
Therefore
, some say that
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of movies and
games
 should be banned.
On the other hand
, some individuals explain the existence of
violence
 in
media
 and
games
 with the notion that they help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to express their negative feelings and
swallowed
Wrong verb form
swallow
show examples
 rage, preventing the cruelty
to explode
Change preposition
from exploding
show examples
 in real life.
Overall
, I believe there should be a limited amount of
violence
 in the
media
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if parents pay attention to their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 to keep them from becoming interested in it.
Submitted by ieltsmeister.academic on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This adds depth to your discussion and makes your essay more convincing.
task achievement
For clearer and more comprehensive ideas, avoid vague statements. Instead, use precise language to communicate your points clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your main points with more supporting details to strengthen your essay's structure and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain the logical flow and readability of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear start and end to your discussion.
complete response
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a complete response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: