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Writing Samples
Band 5

Now a days many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or an organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of self employment

#people #self #work #company #organisation #be #case #employment
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The working generation in recent days
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to have their own
business
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of working for a company or an organisation. There are several reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 situation
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 flexible working hours and enhanced chance of personal growth.
Further
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
disscuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 case and the drawbacks related with self
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the youth nowadays, prefer establishing their own work environment rather than working for someone else as it helps them to
exceed
Verb problem
excel
show examples
 more in
professional
Correct pronoun usage
their professional
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, individuals earning in a private organisation face the difficulties posed by authorities which makes it harder for them to achieve certain life goals in an estimated period.
Whereas
Linking Words
, for individuals with
personal
Add an article
a personal
the personal
show examples
 corporation or firm, it is relatively less complex to complete a task and reach a definitive goal.
Secondly
Linking Words
, other benefits
such
Linking Words
 as flexible
work space
Correct your spelling
workspace
show examples
 and
time
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 notable.
For example
Linking Words
, there is no
time
Use synonyms
 limit set to run their
business
Use synonyms
 unlike fixed office hours
as well as
Linking Words
 they have a choice between working from home or in a
work-space
Correct your spelling
work space
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
time
Use synonyms
 required for commuting and less pressure from senior subordinates significantly incline people to shift towards becoming a company owner. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the advantages, there are some negative aspects of being an entrepreneur. One of them is facing multiple failures,
for example
Linking Words
, before any company gains profit, they face a lot of losses which would demotivate and mentally drain an individual.
Also
Linking Words
, many
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 citizen use all of their savings and take loans to establish a
business
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 puts them under immense pressure and a huge debt, which
further
Linking Words
 causes difficulties in life.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 usually fluctuates between profit and loss,
whereas
Linking Words
 having a regular job provides
guarantee
Add an article
a guarantee
the guarantee
show examples
 of
monthly
Add an article
the monthly
a monthly
show examples
 influx of income. In conclusion, there are multiple
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of being
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 owner
such
Linking Words
 as
time
Use synonyms
 and space flexibility, less stress of
commute
Add an article
a commute
show examples
, and decreased peer pressure. But one should note the disadvantages like facing failures, effects on mental health, and the financial aspects to be careful
while
Linking Words
 trying to choose their career options.
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spelling
Avoid spelling mistakes like 'disscuss' (discuss), 'employement' (employment), 'benifits' (benefits), etc., as they can detract from the overall quality of your essay.
coherence
To achieve higher coherence, use more varied and advanced linking phrases. This will help your ideas flow more smoothly from one paragraph to the next.
development
Work on developing your points more thoroughly by providing more detailed examples or explanations. This will add depth to your essay and improve task achievement.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, making the structure of the essay clear and easy to follow.
task
The essay covers both parts of the task by addressing the reasons for self-employment and its disadvantages, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
support
Points are largely supported with appropriate examples, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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