Some countries have high unemployment rate, so some people think that children should only go to primary school, not high school because they won't find a job later. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Unemployment is a rising concern
amongst
Change preposition
in
show examples
developing countries, few individuals argue that after finishing
school
, pupils don't prefer to continue high
school
studies because they
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
that they will not get a
job
after finishing it.
This
essay emphatically believes
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the statement because
students
often face family pressure and lack of money for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
school
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
To begin
with, in many developing countries pupils
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
school
after finishing primary
education
.
Students
after finishing primary studies,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are forced to
work
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
farming or construction sites.
This
is because they are forced to
work
by family pressure.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing nations,
students
are encouraged or inspired by youngsters, who don't have enough knowledge of secondary
education
to drop
school
and start a
job
at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age to solve money problems for the family.
For example
, in Congo,
due to
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
crisis in 2008,
students
are encouraged to find a
job
before finishing high
school
due to
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
of availability of jobs in the country.
Secondly
, in many nations like Congo, Bangladesh,
Sri
Correct word choice
and Sri
show examples
Lanka, families face financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
from the beginning.
Due to
this
problem, children are often encouraged to
work
at coconut farm during the primary
education
.
This
usually leads
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to a drop from the
school
even before finishing high
school
education
.
To conclude
,
due to
the higher unemployment rate in many nations,
students
are often encouraged to
work
from
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
early age and pupils start a
job
for their
family pressure
Replace the word
families
show examples
.
Submitted by prajapativishal9328 on

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task achievement
Try to discuss both sides of the argument before stating your position. This will make your essay appear more balanced and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas. For instance, mentioning 'family pressure' multiple times dilutes the impact. Try to bring new points or elaborate existing ones further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in sentences. For example, 'Students after finishing primary studies, they are forced...' can be rephrased to 'After finishing primary studies, students are forced...'.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support the main arguments, such as the example of Congo.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, moving smoothly from one point to another.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unemployment rate
  • Primary school
  • High school
  • Job market
  • Vocational training
  • Economic growth
  • Skills development
  • Human right
  • Social skills
  • Critical thinking
  • Innovation
  • Align with job market demands
  • Short-term vs. long-term impact
  • Global competitiveness
  • Fundamental human right
  • Civic participation
  • Professional development
  • Societal benefits
  • Economic landscapes
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