Some countries have high unemployment rate, so some people think that children should only go to primary school, not high school because they won't find a job later. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Unemployment is a rising concern
amongst
developing countries, few individuals argue that after finishing Change preposition
in
school
, pupils don't prefer to continue high school
studies because they knew
that they will not get a Wrong verb form
know
job
after finishing it. This
essay emphatically believes with
the statement because Change preposition
apply
students
often face family pressure and lack of money for the
high Correct article usage
apply
school
study
.
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
To begin
with, in many developing countries pupils left
Wrong verb form
leave
school
after finishing primary education
. Students
after finishing primary studies, they
are forced to Correct pronoun usage
apply
work
in the
farming or construction sites. Correct article usage
apply
This
is because they are forced to work
by family pressure. More over
, in Correct your spelling
Moreover
the
developing nations, Correct article usage
apply
students
are encouraged or inspired by youngsters, who don't have enough knowledge of secondary education
to drop school
and start a job
at early
age to solve money problems for the family. Add an article
an early
For example
, in Congo, due to
financial
crisis in 2008, Correct article usage
the financial
students
are encouraged to find a job
before finishing high school
due to
lack
of availability of jobs in the country.
Correct article usage
the lack
Secondly
, in many nations like Congo, Bangladesh, Sri
Lanka, families face financial Correct word choice
and Sri
problem
from the beginning. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
Due to
this
problem, children are often encouraged to work
at coconut farm during the primary education
. This
usually leads in
to a drop from the Change preposition
apply
school
even before finishing high school
education
.
To conclude
, due to
the higher unemployment rate in many nations, students
are often encouraged to work
from the
early age and pupils start a Correct article usage
an
job
for their family pressure
.Replace the word
families
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task achievement
Try to discuss both sides of the argument before stating your position. This will make your essay appear more balanced and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas. For instance, mentioning 'family pressure' multiple times dilutes the impact. Try to bring new points or elaborate existing ones further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in sentences. For example, 'Students after finishing primary studies, they are forced...' can be rephrased to 'After finishing primary studies, students are forced...'.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support the main arguments, such as the example of Congo.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, moving smoothly from one point to another.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?