IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #summaries #information #features #comparison
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four
countries
Use synonyms
 in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. The
two
Use synonyms
 bar charts give the comparison between men and women working as employees of aged 60 to 64 in four nations, namely,
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
,
USA
Use synonyms
, and
Beigium
Use synonyms
 in year 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of man's employment in aged 60 to 64 shrank over the four
countries
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
two
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
:
Australia
Use synonyms
, and
USA
Use synonyms
 had increased by 2000,
however
Linking Words
 other
two
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
:
Japan
Use synonyms
, and
Beigium
Use synonyms
 displayed a discline. It can be clearly seem that, the percentage of man had worked as employees in
Beigium
Use synonyms
 were significant dropped from 79% in 1970 to 19% in 2000. In
Australia
Use synonyms
, which was reduced 27
percent
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
Further
Linking Words
, 18
percent
Use synonyms
 of man employees in 2000 had been dropped in
two
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
:
Japan
Use synonyms
, and
USA
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
Australia
Use synonyms
, and
USA
Use synonyms
, where women still worked in aged 60 to 64 were rose steady from 18
percent
Use synonyms
 to 19
percent
Use synonyms
, and 36percent to 38
percent
Use synonyms
, from 1970 to 2000, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, other
two
Use synonyms
 countires:
Beigium
Use synonyms
, and
Japan
Use synonyms
 showed slightly decrease approximately 1
percent
Use synonyms
 to 3
percent
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
Submitted by Date on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, two, australia, japan, usa, beigium, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: