IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Certain individuals claim that
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
show examples
 of
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 salary sign of
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
life
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that satisfaction at the job is more crucial than
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of money.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue
although
Linking Words
 high
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 can create better circumstances, it will not work if people do not like their profession. First of all, the
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of earned cash can provide
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 materialistic world, where
condition
Add an article
the condition
show examples
 of men and women
determines
Wrong verb form
is determined
show examples
 by their
look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
show examples
, items
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high quality can be possessed only with
stable
Add an article
a stable
show examples
 source of money.
For example
Linking Words
, Apple - one of the most popular companies in the world and their products
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
show examples
 a symbol of wealth.
However
Linking Words
, high profit does not guarantee a superior from
ethical
Add an article
the ethical
show examples
 and mental side.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of satisfaction at the job will
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 boundaries for a person.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that an individual will not have a desire to go to
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
, which will lead to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of motivation.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
non-appeearence
Correct your spelling
non-appearance
 of aspiration will cause continuous failures, leading to depression or anxiety.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
servey
Correct your spelling
survey
 conducted in the capital of Russia revealed that more than half of the employees changed their profession, despite
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that they
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 at
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 level in their past
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, one proportion of humanity
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 that
fine
Correct article usage
a fine
show examples
 salary is a key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
upstanding
Correct article usage
an upstanding
show examples
life
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, other people argue that it is more important to have an
enjoable
Correct your spelling
enjoyable
 job than running behind the money. I agree with the second opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
large
Add an article
a large
the large
show examples
 quantity of the means does not always give a better
life
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if a person
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have a wish to work.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, to improve your logical structure, ensure your paragraphs flow more smoothly from one to the next. Use linking words and phrases to help with this.
task achievement
While your main points are generally clear and supported with examples, some ideas could be developed further. Additionally, focus on correcting minor grammar and spelling mistakes to ensure your writing is easy to understand.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could be more specific and detailed to strengthen your arguments. Additionally, double-check your facts to avoid any inaccuracies.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and sets up the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have adequately addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly wraps up your argument and reiterates your opinion, which is very effective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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