Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Certain individuals claim that
presence
of Correct article usage
the presence
good
salary sign of Correct article usage
a good
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
life
, while
others believe that satisfaction at the job is more crucial than amount
of money. Add an article
the amount
This
essay will argue although
high earning
can create better circumstances, it will not work if people do not like their profession.
First of all, the Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
big
amount of earned cash can provide Correct word choice
large
better
Add an article
a better
life
. In this
materialistic world, where condition
of men and women Add an article
the condition
determines
by their Wrong verb form
is determined
look
, items Fix the agreement mistake
looks
with
Change preposition
of
a
high quality can be possessed only with Remove the article
apply
stable
source of money. Add an article
a stable
For example
, Apple - one of the most popular companies in the world and their products usually
a symbol of wealth. Add a missing verb
are usually
However
, high profit does not guarantee a superior from ethical
and mental side.
Add an article
the ethical
On the other hand
, absence
of satisfaction at the job will Correct article usage
the absence
creat
boundaries for a person. Correct your spelling
create
This
is due to
the fact that an individual will not have a desire to go to office
, which will lead to Add an article
the office
an office
lack
of motivation. Correct article usage
a lack
Subsequently
, non-appeearence
of aspiration will cause continuous failures, leading to depression or anxiety. Correct your spelling
non-appearance
For instance
, the servey
conducted in the capital of Russia revealed that more than half of the employees changed their profession, despite Correct your spelling
survey
to
the fact that they Change preposition
apply
was
at Change the verb form
were
high
level in their past Add an article
a high
career
.
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
To conclude
, one proportion of humanity think
that Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
fine
salary is a key Correct article usage
a fine
of
Change preposition
to
upstanding
Correct article usage
an upstanding
life
, however
, other people argue that it is more important to have an enjoable
job than running behind the money. I agree with the second opinionCorrect your spelling
enjoyable
,
because Remove the comma
apply
large
quantity of the means does not always give a better Add an article
a large
the large
life
,
if a person Remove the comma
apply
do
not have a wish to work.Change the verb form
does
Submitted by Aqxniet on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, to improve your logical structure, ensure your paragraphs flow more smoothly from one to the next. Use linking words and phrases to help with this.
task achievement
While your main points are generally clear and supported with examples, some ideas could be developed further. Additionally, focus on correcting minor grammar and spelling mistakes to ensure your writing is easy to understand.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could be more specific and detailed to strengthen your arguments. Additionally, double-check your facts to avoid any inaccuracies.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and sets up the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have adequately addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly wraps up your argument and reiterates your opinion, which is very effective.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!