The growth in crime among teenagers can be attributed to an increase in the use of violent video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days,
crime
rates have been increasing tremendously than the previous era. Some say that increasing the crime
ratio among youngsters have
highlighted to use of violent Correct subject-verb agreement
has
video
games
enormously. I firmly disagree with this
statement and I will explanations
. Fix the agreement mistake
explanation
explian
why I Correct your spelling
Explain
offose
Correct your spelling
offer
this
statement for the further
reasons.
To begin
with, teenager's
Change noun form
teenagers'
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
does
not Correct subject-verb agreement
do
happe
use of Correct your spelling
happen
video
Correct word choice
violent video
games
of violent because there are some other factors also
contribute to Correct pronoun usage
that also
bring
Verb problem
apply
this
worst phenomenon such
as family problems and finanical
issues. Correct your spelling
financial
This
means family play a key role among teens when they grow up, so they should have peaceful
family without any fights and troubles because Add an article
a peaceful
this
can stimulate to do
Verb problem
apply
crime
. For example
, divorce
of parents Correct article usage
the divorce
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
serously
Correct your spelling
seriously
affect
teenagers Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
mentely
, Correct your spelling
mentally
consequently
, teens might get
Verb problem
make
wrong
illegal connection and they start to do offence. Add an article
a wrong
the wrong
Hence
, family issues can be attributed to Day carry
out any Wrong verb form
carrying
crime
instead
of playing adverse video
games
.
Furthermore
, financial problem
can create Fix the agreement mistake
problems
this
adverse situation among teenagers because they prefer to live wealthy and affluent lifestyle
, so they need money but their families refuse to pay them Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
while
they start to Correct word choice
and
do
Verb problem
commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
due to
money. This
means they suspected as criminals for small
Add an article
a small
offence
like theft, bullying and Fix the agreement mistake
offences
threaten
Change the form of the verb
threatening
to
others because Change preposition
apply
of
they need more money. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, going to pup
, buying drugs and costly phones that Add an article
the pup
a pup
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
of
youngsters Change preposition
apply
crime
. Henceforth, financial desire leads to Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
crime
among teens. rather than playing Violent Video
games
.
In conclusion, financial desires and family issues are the main reasons for youngsters carry
Verb problem
commit
crime
rather than playing Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
video
games
. Therefore
, I strongly disagree with this
statement and I hope this
certainly reduces by counselling.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task achievement
To strengthen your Task Achievement, ensure you stay directly focused on the topic throughout. While you have provided counterpoints to the influence of violent video games, a more extensive link between points and the topic could enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are clear but could be better organized. Explore structuring your paragraphs more effectively by starting with clear topic sentences and further elaborating on your points within each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You could improve coherence and progression by using more sophisticated linking phrases and connectors. This will help your essay flow more smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
You have successfully identified other influencing factors such as family issues and financial problems, which strengthens your argument.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your arguments, providing a clear viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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