IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

female unemployment rates in the four countries of the UK

#unemployment #rates #four #countries #uk
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There was a noticeable struggle in finding a
work place
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workplace
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 among women during
years
Correct article usage
the years
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 2013-2014 in four countries of the United Kingdom. Every country has gone through a decrease in the percentage of unemployed women except for Scotland
with
Correct your spelling
which
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 an
adverse
Correct word choice
apply
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.
Highest
Add an article
The highest
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 rate of jobless women in
year
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the year
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 2013
has been
Wrong verb form
was
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 detected to be in England
with
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at
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 6.8% , in comparison to Wales with the lowest rate of 5.4% .
Although
Linking Words
 England and Wales had a sharp difference in the numbers, both countries have experienced a gradual decrease
whithin
Correct your spelling
within
 the given year. No matter the change , England remained
as
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apply
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one of the highest at a time, leaving Wales to stay still as the second lowest in 2014.
Meanwile
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Meanwhile
, Scotland
achieves
Wrong verb form
achieved
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 a sudden increase
by contrast
Linking Words
 with
Northen
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Northern
 Ireland
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 only declined drastically in 2014.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, make sure to arrange your points in a clear, logical order. For instance, you can first specify the rates for each country for 2013 and then move on to 2014 for each country.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a formal conclusion that summarizes your key points. Add a conclusion to reinforce the overall trends witnessed.
task achievement
Provide more detailed comparisons and contrasts between the countries. Delving deeper into why Scotland's rate increased while others decreased could enrich your essay.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from adding specific statistics or percentages for the year 2014 for a more comprehensive analysis.
task achievement
You've done a good job identifying the key trends in female unemployment rates among the four countries.
task achievement
Your main points are generally clear and you have used relevant data to support your observations.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a good base structure with an introduction and body paragraphs, touching on vital points for most of the sections.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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