Some people regard work as the most important thing in life and have little interest in anything else. Other people are most enthusiastic about their hobbies and leisure interest than their jobs. Discuss both of the attitudes and give your opinion,

It is true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
lives
is a
mistery
Correct your spelling
mystery
lives
Change the noun form
life
show examples
,
people
are
confusing
Replace the word
confused
show examples
to choose
Change preposition
about choosing
show examples
which is the most
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
. Some
people
believe that
work
is the most significant thing in mankind's
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
while
others say that
hobbies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and past time
activities
should be ranked
first
than their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
This
essay will discuss both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
lives
are very short period, so they should do whatever they like, and
make
Verb problem
be
show examples
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
That is
,
past time
Correct your spelling
pastime
show examples
activities
along with
hobbies
can help to produce the happy hormone
coupled with
dopamine in our bodies, and
as a result
, depression and anxiety will be reduced by
this
.
For example
,
according to
statistics,
people
who give more prioritise to their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
, and
hobbies
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stay
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
away from
phychological
Correct your spelling
psychological
disorders.
Hence
, humankind. should have all rights to do whatever they have more interest rather than
work
.
On the other hand
,
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
always
bring
Verb problem
takes
show examples
the
first
place in
people
's
lives
rather than
hobbies
, and anything else.
This
is,
some
Correct word choice
because some
show examples
employees have more passion
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their jobs, so they like to
work
hard, and get
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
from their employers
such
as incentives, promotions and recognisations.
For instance
, businessmen have more passion towards their business, and they always give more
piroritise
Correct your spelling
prioritise
on
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
rather than anything, even family
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
and
hobbies
, that's why they could succeed
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Needless to say, if wants to
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
success,
work
should be ranked
first
other than always brings secondary. In conclusion,
work
is to be considered as
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
crucial
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
in
people
's
lives
because many want to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
, and they have more passion
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their Jobs,
although
,
hobbies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and leisure
activities
should be ranked
first
because it increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happy hormone
along with
dopamine, that leads to
stay
Change the verb form
staying
show examples
far
maway
Correct your spelling
away
from stress and depression.
However
, in my opinion,
hobbies
and pastime
activities
are the most significant aspect
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
's
lives
than
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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formulation advice
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and ensure there is variety in your sentence structures to keep the reader engaged. Additionally, make sure to use correct and consistent verb tenses across your essay.
paragraph advice
Ensure that each paragraph discusses only one main idea. This will help in creating a logical and clear progression of your argument. Avoid introducing new ideas in your conclusion.
grammar advice
Aim to reduce grammatical errors, as they can potentially confuse the reader and interrupt the flow of your essay. Pay special attention to subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles.
introduction highlight
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, setting the stage for the discussion.
balanced discussion highlight
You provide a balanced discussion by addressing both viewpoints before presenting your opinion. This shows a good understanding of the essay requirements.
example highlight
You attempt to substantiate your viewpoints with examples, which adds relevance to your arguments.

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