IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people regard work as the most important thing in life and have little interest in anything else. Other people are most enthusiastic about their hobbies and leisure interest than their jobs. Discuss both of the attitudes and give your opinion,

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It is true that
,
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apply
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human's
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human
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lives
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 is a
mistery
Correct your spelling
mystery
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lives
Change the noun form
life
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,
people
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 are
confusing
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confused
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to choose
Change preposition
about choosing
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 which is the most
importance
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important
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. Some
people
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 believe that
work
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 is the most significant thing in mankind's
live
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life
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while
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 others say that
hobbies
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,
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apply
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 and past time
activities
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 should be ranked
first
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 than their
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,
human's
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human
show examples
lives
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 are very short period, so they should do whatever they like, and
make
Verb problem
be
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happiness
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happy
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
That is
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,
past time
Correct your spelling
pastime
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activities
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along with
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hobbies
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 can help to produce the happy hormone
coupled with
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 dopamine in our bodies, and
as a result
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, depression and anxiety will be reduced by
this
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.
For example
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,
according to
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 statistics,
people
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 who give more prioritise to their
interest
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interests
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, and
hobbies
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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stay
for
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apply
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away from
phychological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 disorders.
Hence
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, humankind. should have all rights to do whatever they have more interest rather than
work
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.
On the other hand
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,
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works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 always
bring
Verb problem
takes
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 the
first
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 place in
people
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's
lives
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 rather than
hobbies
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, and anything else.
This
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 is,
some
Correct word choice
because some
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 employees have more passion
to
Change preposition
for
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 their jobs, so they like to
work
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 hard, and get
reward
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rewards
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 from their employers
such
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 as incentives, promotions and recognisations.
For instance
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, businessmen have more passion towards their business, and they always give more
piroritise
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 on
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 rather than anything, even family
relationship
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relationships
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 and
hobbies
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, that's why they could succeed
their
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in their
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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. Needless to say, if wants to
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
 success,
work
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 should be ranked
first
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 other than always brings secondary. In conclusion,
work
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 is to be considered as
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 crucial
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 in
people
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's
lives
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 because many want to
success
Replace the word
succeed
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their
Change preposition
in their
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carrer
Correct your spelling
career
, and they have more passion
to
Change preposition
for
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 their Jobs,
although
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,
hobbies
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,
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apply
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 and leisure
activities
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 should be ranked
first
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 because it increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
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happy hormone
along with
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 dopamine, that leads to
stay
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staying
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 far
maway
Correct your spelling
away
 from stress and depression.
However
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, in my opinion,
hobbies
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 and pastime
activities
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 are the most significant aspect
in
Change preposition
of
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people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
 than
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.

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formulation advice
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and ensure there is variety in your sentence structures to keep the reader engaged. Additionally, make sure to use correct and consistent verb tenses across your essay.
paragraph advice
Ensure that each paragraph discusses only one main idea. This will help in creating a logical and clear progression of your argument. Avoid introducing new ideas in your conclusion.
grammar advice
Aim to reduce grammatical errors, as they can potentially confuse the reader and interrupt the flow of your essay. Pay special attention to subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles.
introduction highlight
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, setting the stage for the discussion.
balanced discussion highlight
You provide a balanced discussion by addressing both viewpoints before presenting your opinion. This shows a good understanding of the essay requirements.
example highlight
You attempt to substantiate your viewpoints with examples, which adds relevance to your arguments.
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