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Band 4.5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work
some works require to move from your city and
this
 very disappointing for most of the people .
in addition
, they will leave their families,
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 and community. but, they can not lose their jobs and just stay at home. let us discuss the advantages and disadvantages. on the one hand, you will have a chance to visit a new city and meet new people, creating new friendships.
also
, relaxing and having more time for yourself to try something new like reading new books or learning new skills .I think when a person leaves his comfort zone he will explore a lot about himself and about life.
on the other hand
, going miles from your home will make you more nervous in the beginning.
Additionally
, you will need time to be familiar with changes. people usually suffer to accept new things . Sometimes, feeling homesick and depressed is very dangerous if the person does not have
knowledge
Change the article
the knowledge
show examples
 to control his emotions. in conclusion, moving away from friends and families for
workis
Correct your spelling
work is
 a difficult thing . I think the HR department in every company should have a social therapist to sure from the ability of employers to deal with these changes .
Submitted by ali.s.1993 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This will help set the stage for a well-structured response.
task achievement
Develop the body paragraphs by providing more specific examples and details to support your points. This will enhance the relevance and depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will improve the overall readability and coherence of your writing.
task achievement
Conclude by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay and reiterate your stance clearly. This will leave a strong impression on the reader.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work, providing a balanced view on the issue.
task achievement
The author addresses the emotional aspects of moving away, which provides depth to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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