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Band 5

Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion

#businesses #offices #governments #places #right #course #action
A large number of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 are addicted to smoking all over the world. Now we can see that employees are not allowed to
smoke
 in their workplaces.
Also
, governments banned smoking in common areas. I totally agree with the actions they have done, and I firmly believe it will be very helpful for all of the
people
's well-being if there is no anyone smoking in public areas. Smoking in offices or workplaces will be detrimental to all staff's
health
, not only smokers themself. It is worth pointing out that folk who
smoke
 frequently will have a bad lung. Their fitness condition is not as good as
ordinary
Correct article usage
the ordinary
show examples
 community's strength.
For example
, The World
Health
 Organization made the conclusion that
people
 who
smoke
 very often,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will have a higher chance of detecting lung cancer. stop smoking can increase smoker's
health
 condition.
On the other hand
,
people
 who are getting used to smoking will
also
 affect others'
health
. To extend
this
, the second-hand smoking environment is super dangerous for
people
 who are not smoking. There is a scientific article saying if non-smoking
people
 stay in a smoking environment for a long time, their lungs will gradually be damaged.
This
 means they have not done anything yet, but their body
health
 is destroyed by other smokers. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who
smoke
 in public areas should be banned or prohibited by governments or businesses. It is not only for smokers'
health
, but
also
 that will be good for others.
Submitted by canondu0828 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and detailed examples are provided. For instance, the essay could benefit from specific measures or anecdotal evidence supporting the legislation against smoking in public places.
coherence cohesion
Work on achieving seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Improving the logical flow will enhance overall readability.
task achievement
Clear stance on the topic with a strong, opinionated introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a decent structure with distinct paragraphs addressing specific points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • workplace productivity
  • illness-related absences
  • environmental pollution
  • discarded cigarette butts
  • economic considerations
  • healthcare costs
  • de-normalize tobacco use
  • smoke-free culture
  • initiation of smoking
  • duty of care
  • public health policy
  • healthier employees
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