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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion

#businesses #offices #governments #places #right #course #action
There are some public
places
 where
smoke
Fix the agreement mistake
smoking
show examples
 is banned. I believe that
this
 prohibition is the best decision that the government and the commerce can make. The decision
of smoking
Change preposition
to smoke
show examples
 is something personal and it is not fair that
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not have
this
 habit become a passive smoker. The consumption of
tabacco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is harmful. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 plenty of medical research that
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 proven that the
cigarrete
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 is associated with cancer, fetus deformation, sexual
disfunction
Correct your spelling
dysfunction
show examples
, and many more illness.
however
, there are
people
 that
decides
Change the verb form
decide
show examples
 to consume
this
toxine
Correct your spelling
toxin
toxic
. The nicotine,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is part of the cigarette, is the more lethal one and it spreads through the
smoke
. So if a person
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is next to a person who is
moking
Correct your spelling
smoking
making
 he will
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
this
 toxin against his will.
Therefore
,
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 government must
protected
Wrong verb form
protect
show examples
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health. It is paramount that public policies and regulations against smoking in public
places
 exist.
People
 are free to
smoke
 or not. So it is not
adequated
Replace the word
adequate
show examples
 that
Correct article usage
the decision
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 of a few ones affect everyone else. Japan is a
marvelous
Change the spelling
marvellous
show examples
 example of
this
reguations
Correct your spelling
regulation
regulations
. There are designated
places
 in public areas where
people
 can
smoke
 and will not
perturbated
Change the verb form
perturbate
show examples
 others with the
smoke
 or the butts of
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
. To
cnoclude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, I
beilieve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that smoking must be banned in public
places
. The government must
created
Change the verb form
create
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appropiated
Correct your spelling
appropriate
appropriated
 legislation that allows
people
 to
smoke
, just in designated areas. Avoiding passive smokers who
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not want to do so.
Submitted by estefaniamn2014 on

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grammar
Ensure that all verbs are correctly conjugated and in the proper tense to improve grammatical accuracy.
vocabulary
Use more varied vocabulary to express your ideas clearly and avoid repetition.
coherence cohesion
Link sentences more seamlessly by using a range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and transition phrases.
task response
The argument is strong, and you offer a clear standpoint on the issue.
task response
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the case of Japan's designated smoking areas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • workplace productivity
  • illness-related absences
  • environmental pollution
  • discarded cigarette butts
  • economic considerations
  • healthcare costs
  • de-normalize tobacco use
  • smoke-free culture
  • initiation of smoking
  • duty of care
  • public health policy
  • healthier employees
What to do next:
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