The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

#graphs #show #survey #children #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls

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The pie charts provide the outcome of a study about children’s leisure activities between

boys

Use synonyms

and

girls

Use synonyms

Overall

Linking Words

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

boys

Use synonyms

enjoy playing computer games,

whereas

Linking Words

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

counterparts, the

girls

Use synonyms

, love dancing.

In addition

Linking Words

boys

Use synonyms

tend not to read books and an insignificant proportion of

girls

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listen to music. Delving into details, computer games account for the highest proportion with 34% for

boys

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whereas

Linking Words

only 16% of

girls

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spend their

free-time

Correct your spelling

free time

show examples

playing

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

However

Linking Words

, dancing is the most popular sport for

girls

Use synonyms

at 27%, and 26% of

boys

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prefer to spend time playing basketball. As for reading 21% of

girls

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

activity, which is far greater than

boys

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with only 2%. It is noticeable that listening to music

account

Fix the agreement mistake

accounts

show examples

the

Change preposition

for the

show examples

same ratio with

one tenth

Add a hyphen

one-tenth

show examples

both for

boys

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and

girls

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Compare

Wrong verb form

Compared

show examples

Unnecessary verb

apply

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outdoor sports 11% of

girls

Use synonyms

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

like to go to gymnastics

whereas

Linking Words

17% of

boys

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love playing football

Change preposition

show examples

the ground.

Girls

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enjoy playing netball

however

Linking Words

boys

Use synonyms

prefer

Add the particle

prefer to

show examples

go skateboarding with 15% and 11% respectively.

Submitted by duzirong on Wed Jul 17 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

169 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

survey
cultural activities
leisure activities
participate
percentage
gender difference
similar participation rates
traditional gender roles
trends
impact
parental influence
extracurricular activities
accessible

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The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

Men should go to work and women place is in the home. To what extend do you agree or disagree

Some people say that Ebooks and modern technology will totally replace traditional newspapers and magazines to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to museums, zoo and concerts and sometimes even to other countries. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of such visits are?

Some people believe that the best way to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other private vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?