The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

#graphs #show #survey #children #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls

The pie charts provide the outcome of a study about children’s leisure activities between

boys

and

girls

Overall

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

boys

enjoy playing computer games,

whereas

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

counterparts, the

girls

, love dancing.

In addition

boys

tend not to read books and an insignificant proportion of

girls

listen to music. Delving into details, computer games account for the highest proportion with 34% for

boys

whereas

only 16% of

girls

spend their

free-time

Correct your spelling

free time

show examples

playing

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

However

, dancing is the most popular sport for

girls

at 27%, and 26% of

boys

prefer to spend time playing basketball. As for reading 21% of

girls

this

activity, which is far greater than

boys

with only 2%. It is noticeable that listening to music

account

Fix the agreement mistake

accounts

show examples

the

Change preposition

for the

show examples

same ratio with

one tenth

Add a hyphen

one-tenth

show examples

both for

boys

and

girls

Compare

Wrong verb form

Compared

show examples

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

outdoor sports 11% of

girls

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

like to go to gymnastics

whereas

17% of

boys

love playing football

Change preposition

show examples

the ground.

Girls

enjoy playing netball

however

boys

prefer

Add the particle

prefer to

show examples

go skateboarding with 15% and 11% respectively.

Submitted by duzirong on Wed Jul 17 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

169 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

survey
cultural activities
leisure activities
participate
percentage
gender difference
similar participation rates
traditional gender roles
trends
impact
parental influence
extracurricular activities
accessible

What to do next:

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The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

You have recently moved to a new apartment. Write a letter to a friend. In your letter: explain why you have moved describe your new apartment invite him/her to pay a visit

To some people studying the past is the best way to help young people function well in the modern world. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures could be effective in helping young people to function well in the modern world?

We can get knowledge from news. But some people even think we should not trust the journalists. What do you think? And what do you think are the important qulities that a journalist should have?

some argue that it is better to talk to friend and not family about problems. to what extent you agree or disagree.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+