The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

#graphs #show #survey #children #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls

The pie charts provide the outcome of a study about children’s leisure activities between

boys

and

girls

Overall

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

boys

enjoy playing computer games,

whereas

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

counterparts, the

girls

, love dancing.

In addition

boys

tend not to read books and an insignificant proportion of

girls

listen to music. Delving into details, computer games account for the highest proportion with 34% for

boys

whereas

only 16% of

girls

spend their

free-time

Correct your spelling

free time

show examples

playing

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

However

, dancing is the most popular sport for

girls

at 27%, and 26% of

boys

prefer to spend time playing basketball. As for reading 21% of

girls

this

activity, which is far greater than

boys

with only 2%. It is noticeable that listening to music

account

Fix the agreement mistake

accounts

show examples

the

Change preposition

for the

show examples

same ratio with

one tenth

Add a hyphen

one-tenth

show examples

both for

boys

and

girls

Compare

Wrong verb form

Compared

show examples

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

outdoor sports 11% of

girls

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

like to go to gymnastics

whereas

17% of

boys

love playing football

Change preposition

show examples

the ground.

Girls

enjoy playing netball

however

boys

prefer

Add the particle

prefer to

show examples

go skateboarding with 15% and 11% respectively.

Submitted by duzirong on Wed Jul 17 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

169 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

survey
cultural activities
leisure activities
participate
percentage
gender difference
similar participation rates
traditional gender roles
trends
impact
parental influence
extracurricular activities
accessible

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The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does the shortage of fresh water cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people are fond of buying new gadgets phones or laptop is this a good or bad thing discuss your opinion

Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter, thank them for the photos and the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you

Many people joint distance-learning program (study material, post, TV, Internet) and study at home, some people think it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities. Do you agree or disagree?