IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend no more than 20 minutes on this task. This line graph shows the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information.

You should spend no more than 20 minutes on this task. This line graph shows the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information.
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The given line graph illustrates the proportion of females who worked in four
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 namely Korea,
Afghanistan
Use synonyms
, France and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 from 1985 to 2005.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 all countries except
Afghanistan
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 their percentage of working women until 2005.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of employers in
Afghanistan
Use synonyms
start
Change the verb form
starts
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 to decrease after 1995. At the start of the period, the United States had the most workers and
at the end
Linking Words
 stands in its position.
However
Linking Words
,
Afghanistan
Use synonyms
 had the lowest percentage throughout the period. Considering the line graph, the USA started its journey with 45% and reached its peak of 65% in 2005 and Korea
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
exhibited a similar trend.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, only
Afghanistan
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly decreased from 40 to almost zero,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 other countries gradually and slowly climbed.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words afghanistan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage of women employed
  • employment trends
  • notable changes
  • significant increases and decreases
  • periods of stability
  • specific years and percentages
  • overall trend
  • compare and contrast
  • similarities and differences
  • throughout the period
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