In many countries, an increase in crime rate has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the contemporary era, revealing
crimal
Correct your spelling
criminal
critical
tendencial
impression
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impressions
show examples
via electronic media
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
criticed
Correct your spelling
critiqued
that globally.
As a result
, crime
level
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levels
show examples
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rise
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risen
show examples
in nations.
In
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This
show examples
this
essay will
outlined
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outline
show examples
the reasons why I reckon
crimal
Correct your spelling
criminal
emerage is related to the brutal graphs.
Firstly
,
people
whose
mind
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minds
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
frigid and immature
get
Verb problem
are
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impact
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impacted
show examples
by these illustrations. When
people
at
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are at
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
adolescent age,
having
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have
show examples
a strong curiosity
of
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about
show examples
adult
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the adult
show examples
world.
Moreover
,they
are
Verb problem
do
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not think clearly
of
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about
show examples
what they actually want to do
enough
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apply
show examples
.
However
,
mostly
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most
show examples
of these teenagers just want to experience what they have watched on the internet
,
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apply
show examples
when they
arrested
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are arrested
show examples
by
authories
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authorities
authorises
they'll know what's the
sensity
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density
sense
.
Secondly
,individuals
endure
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who endure
show examples
the stress from workplaces acquire the method of killing others easily.Nowadays,
people
working with heavy stress, under a
long term
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long-term
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
high-stress condition, who
employing
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employ
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there will become moody.
For instance
,when they
go to
Verb problem
become
show examples
extremely emotional, a huge number of
people
enable
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are able
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to get knives
on
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at
show examples
the
online-shopping
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online shopping
show examples
mall as
easy
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easily
show examples
as
click
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clicking
show examples
on the computer, they can
eaily
Correct your spelling
easily
boosted by the way of
injure
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injuring
show examples
others which they
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
on the world wide web. For the reasons
metioned
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mentioned
above,
people
Correct pronoun usage
who encourage
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encourage
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are encouraged
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to
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apply
show examples
crime have the main
factors
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factor
show examples
of it's simpler to get the form to complement. No matter,the stress from
company
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the company
a company
show examples
or the timing when young
people
is
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are
show examples
curious about
take
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taking
show examples
actioon
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action
indeed.
Submitted by peihanw5 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on refining your sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity. Some phrases and sentences are difficult to understand due to incorrect grammar or awkward phrasing.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Your ideas are good, but they need to be more organized and clearly linked to your main argument.
introduction conclusion present
Develop a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. This helps reinforce your argument to the reader.
task achievement
You have correctly identified possible reasons why violent media might influence crime rates, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured into paragraphs with distinct ideas, which is a good approach to organizing your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • psychological theories
  • Bandura's Social Learning Theory
  • conclusive scientific evidence
  • correlation
  • multi-factorial
  • socio-economic status
  • mental health
  • sole cause
  • outlet for aggression
  • teamwork
  • strategic thinking
  • counter-studies
  • awareness
  • violent media
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