Nowadays. Children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think these activities are not beneficial for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Technology has numerous benefits,
however
, excessive use of it can lead to chronic health conditions, particularly in younger
generation. Add an article
the younger
Therefore
, many people think that children should stay away from using these electronic gadgets, moreover
, I completely agree that the use of gadgets such
as mobile phones, TVs and video games are
harmful.
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Firstly
, frequent use if
electronic items can lead to impaired social skills. To be more specific, a child would spend prolonged hours at home Correct your spelling
of
while
playing online or watching television, hindering the ability of face-to-face interaction. Secondly
, excessive screen time could possibly result in mental disorders such
as depression and anxiety. In fact, WHO has found a correlation between screen time and increasing depression. Lastly
, children tend to sit at
one place for longer Change preposition
in
period
of time Fix the agreement mistake
periods
while
watching or playing which promotes sedentary
lifestyle.
There are numerous downsides Add an article
a sedentary
doing
these activities, Change preposition
to doing
however
, there are benefits as well. To begin
with, watching TV can foster creativity. For example
, educational programs and informative channels can broaden the
thinking and can lead to innovative ideas. Correct article usage
apply
Additionally
, it enhances skills such
as multitasking and decision- making
as one tends to make critical decisions Correct your spelling
decision-making
while
playing onine
.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
online
usage
of electronic devices Correct article usage
the usage
have
disadvantages Correct subject-verb agreement
has
such
as social isolation , mental issues and sedentary
lifestyle. Correct article usage
a sedentary
On the other
hand
there are some advantages Add a comma
hand,
such
as increased creativity, multitasking and decision- making
skills. Parents and teachers should monitor and limit the activities for the child's Correct your spelling
decision-making
wellbeing
.Correct your spelling
well-being
Submitted by nihalshetty384 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure accuracy in your writing to avoid minor errors that can affect readability. For instance, 'if electronic items' should be 'of electronic items', and 'playing onine' should be 'playing online'.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to bolster your points. For instance, mentioning a specific educational program or game that enhances creativity or decision-making skills would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure, ensure that each point is fully developed before moving to the next. For example, discussing specific ways that watching TV can foster creativity before moving on would provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas. Phrases such as 'Moreover,' or 'Furthermore,' can help link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a balanced discussion that acknowledges the pros and cons equally. This balance will make your argument more nuanced and persuasive.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, discussing both the benefits and disadvantages of children using electronic gadgets.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context for the essay, and the conclusion summarizes the main points well.
task achievement
Your use of specific terms and examples like 'depression and anxiety' and 'WHO' adds depth to your argument and shows a good grasp of the subject.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.