Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Entertainment is an important element in the life of
people
. It help
Change the verb form
helps
people
to decrese
the stress of Correct your spelling
decrease
the
daily Change the word
their
work
and had
Wrong verb form
have
some
funny time. It is many Correct determiner usage
a
formes
of entertainment Correct your spelling
forms
such
films
, music and Change preposition
as films
sport
. In these Fix the agreement mistake
sports
formes
, Correct your spelling
forms
people
loved some actors named stars
. Such
film
Change preposition
as film
stars
, pop musician
and sports Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
stars
. Some people
feel that entertainers are paid too much money
.
In my opinion, these people
are right. These stars
are paid more than necessary for some reasons.
Firstly
, the star is a worker. His job
is acting. His
is paying for Correct pronoun usage
He
this
job
. For example
, star
Correct article usage
a star
film
act at a film
for 2 weeks. In
the end of Change the preposition
At
this
work
, hi
will have Correct your spelling
he
money
represent
his effort Fix the infinitive
to represent
at
Change preposition
in
this
film
. The effort produced by the stars
is important but the money
received is more higher than this
effort.
Secondly
, for some commercial and industrial company
, Fix the agreement mistake
companies
the
Correct article usage
apply
films
Change the noun form
film
stars
or opo musicians or sports stars
is
an important element Unnecessary verb
apply
at
the advertising for Change preposition
apply
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
product
or Fix the agreement mistake
products
service
. The Fix the agreement mistake
services
people
how
Correct word choice
who
liking
Wrong verb form
like
this
Correct determiner usage
these
stars
buy the same product
or service. Then
, the sales of commercial or industrial firms will increase for one reason is
the Unnecessary verb
apply
stars
using the product
or service of this
company. Consequently
, theses
firms paid much Correct your spelling
these
money
to the stars
. But, in reality, the stars
don't used
the Change the verb form
use
product
. For this
entertainers, it is Correct determiner usage
these
a
Remove the article
work
a job
work
and he paid for this
job
. It is not acceptable for theses
firms to pay too much Correct your spelling
these
Change preposition
to this
this
Correct determiner usage
these
stars
.
For me, it
exist Correct pronoun usage
there
others
jobs Correct quantifier usage
other
should
be highly paid Correct pronoun usage
that should
such
as doctor and teacher. Doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
Doctors
work
an important job
than the stars
. He saving
Wrong verb form
saved
lives
of many Correct article usage
the lives
people
and working
for many hours without interruption and Wrong verb form
worked
less
sleep hours. Fix the agreement mistake
had fewer
Also
, teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
word
a difficult Correct your spelling
work
job
. It is a job
with our children. This
job
orient the future of society and help people
to have a great life.
In conclusion, it is necessary for the government to make some laws for
Change preposition
on
this
subject and save the money
of people
.Submitted by rabebhamdi on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences relate to that main idea.
task achievement
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement and article usage.
task achievement
Enhance vocabulary to avoid repetition and improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task: discussing whether entertainers are paid too much and suggesting other jobs that should be highly paid.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example