Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Entertainment is an important element in the life of
people
. It
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
to
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
the stress of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
daily
work
and
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
funny time. It is many
formes
Correct your spelling
forms
show examples
of entertainment
such
films
Change preposition
as films
show examples
, music and
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. In these
formes
Correct your spelling
forms
show examples
,
people
loved some actors named
stars
.
Such
film
Change preposition
as film
show examples
stars
, pop
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
show examples
and sports
stars
. Some
people
feel that entertainers are paid too much
money
. In my opinion, these
people
are right. These
stars
are paid more than necessary for some reasons.
Firstly
, the star is a worker. His
job
is acting.
His
Correct pronoun usage
He
show examples
is paying for
this
job
.
For example
,
star
Correct article usage
a star
show examples
film
act at a
film
for 2 weeks.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
the end of
this
work
,
hi
Correct your spelling
he
show examples
will have
money
represent
Fix the infinitive
to represent
show examples
his effort
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
film
. The effort produced by the
stars
is important but the
money
received is more higher than
this
effort.
Secondly
, for some commercial and industrial
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
films
Change the noun form
film
show examples
stars
or opo musicians or sports
stars
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an important element
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the advertising for
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
or
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
. The
people
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
liking
Wrong verb form
like
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
stars
buy the same
product
or service.
Then
, the sales of commercial or industrial firms will increase for one reason
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
stars
using the
product
or service of
this
company.
Consequently
,
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
firms paid much
money
to the
stars
. But, in reality, the
stars
don't
used
Change the verb form
use
show examples
the
product
. For
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
entertainers, it is
a
Remove the article
work
a job
show examples
work
and he paid for
this
job
. It is not acceptable for
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
firms to pay too much
Change preposition
to this
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
stars
. For me,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
exist
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
jobs
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
be highly paid
such
as doctor and teacher.
Doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
Doctors
show examples
work
an important
job
than the
stars
. He
saving
Wrong verb form
saved
show examples
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
of many
people
and
working
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
for many hours without interruption and
less
Fix the agreement mistake
had fewer
show examples
sleep hours.
Also
,
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
word
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
a difficult
job
. It is a
job
with our children.
This
job
orient the future of society and help
people
to have a great life. In conclusion, it is necessary for the government to make some laws
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
subject and save the
money
of
people
.
Submitted by rabebhamdi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences relate to that main idea.
task achievement
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement and article usage.
task achievement
Enhance vocabulary to avoid repetition and improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task: discussing whether entertainers are paid too much and suggesting other jobs that should be highly paid.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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