Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Entertainment is an important element in the life of
people
. It Use synonyms
help
Change the verb form
helps
people
to Use synonyms
decrese
the stress of Correct your spelling
decrease
the
daily Change the word
their
work
and Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
some
funny time. It is many Correct determiner usage
a
formes
of entertainment Correct your spelling
forms
such
Linking Words
films
, music and Change preposition
as films
sport
. In these Fix the agreement mistake
sports
formes
, Correct your spelling
forms
people
loved some actors named Use synonyms
stars
. Use synonyms
Such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
film
Change preposition
as film
stars
, pop Use synonyms
musician
and sports Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
stars
. Some Use synonyms
people
feel that entertainers are paid too much Use synonyms
money
.
In my opinion, these Use synonyms
people
are right. These Use synonyms
stars
are paid more than necessary for some reasons.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, the star is a worker. His Linking Words
job
is acting. Use synonyms
His
is paying for Correct pronoun usage
He
this
Linking Words
job
. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
star
Correct article usage
a star
film
act at a Use synonyms
film
for 2 weeks. Use synonyms
In
the end of Change the preposition
At
this
Linking Words
work
, Use synonyms
hi
will have Correct your spelling
he
money
Use synonyms
represent
his effort Fix the infinitive
to represent
at
Change preposition
in
this
Linking Words
film
. The effort produced by the Use synonyms
stars
is important but the Use synonyms
money
received is more higher than Use synonyms
this
effort.
Linking Words
Secondly
, for some commercial and industrial Linking Words
company
, Fix the agreement mistake
companies
the
Correct article usage
apply
films
Change the noun form
film
stars
or opo musicians or sports Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
is
an important element Unnecessary verb
apply
at
the advertising for Change preposition
apply
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
Use synonyms
product
or Fix the agreement mistake
products
service
. The Fix the agreement mistake
services
people
Use synonyms
how
Correct word choice
who
liking
Wrong verb form
like
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
stars
buy the same Use synonyms
product
or service. Use synonyms
Then
, the sales of commercial or industrial firms will increase for one reason Linking Words
is
the Unnecessary verb
apply
stars
using the Use synonyms
product
or service of Use synonyms
this
company. Linking Words
Consequently
, Linking Words
theses
firms paid much Correct your spelling
these
money
to the Use synonyms
stars
. But, in reality, the Use synonyms
stars
don't Use synonyms
used
the Change the verb form
use
product
. For Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
entertainers, it is Correct determiner usage
these
a
Remove the article
work
a job
work
and he paid for Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
job
. It is not acceptable for Use synonyms
theses
firms to pay too much Correct your spelling
these
Linking Words
Change preposition
to this
this
Correct determiner usage
these
stars
.
For me, Use synonyms
it
exist Correct pronoun usage
there
others
jobs Correct quantifier usage
other
should
be highly paid Correct pronoun usage
that should
such
as doctor and teacher. Linking Words
Doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
Doctors
work
an important Use synonyms
job
than the Use synonyms
stars
. He Use synonyms
saving
Wrong verb form
saved
lives
of many Correct article usage
the lives
people
and Use synonyms
working
for many hours without interruption and Wrong verb form
worked
less
sleep hours. Fix the agreement mistake
had fewer
Also
, Linking Words
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
word
a difficult Correct your spelling
work
job
. It is a Use synonyms
job
with our children. Use synonyms
This
Linking Words
job
orient the future of society and help Use synonyms
people
to have a great life.
In conclusion, it is necessary for the government to make some laws Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
this
subject and save the Linking Words
money
of Use synonyms
people
.Use synonyms
Submitted by rabebhamdi on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences relate to that main idea.
task achievement
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement and article usage.
task achievement
Enhance vocabulary to avoid repetition and improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task: discussing whether entertainers are paid too much and suggesting other jobs that should be highly paid.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example