IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.

The charts below show the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.
#show #percentage #people #different #occupations #uk #town #ashby
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The pie chart illustrates the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 23-65 in various occupations in
Ashby
Use synonyms
, which is one of
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 towns and in the whole
UK
Use synonyms
 in 2008. There are seven categories of occupations which are unemployed, construction
work
Use synonyms
, shop
work
Use synonyms
, professional
work
Use synonyms
, technical
work
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, personal service and office
work
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, without office
work
Use synonyms
 and shop
work
Use synonyms
, the gap between
Use synonyms
Ashby
Correct article usage
the Ashby
show examples
 graph and the whole
UK
Use synonyms
 graph was 4% to 8%. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
Ashby
Use synonyms
 town
people
Use synonyms
 who didn't have a job or worked in the construction field and personal service field
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher than the whole
UK
Use synonyms
citzens
Correct your spelling
citizens
. That means in
Ashby
Use synonyms
 village, there were
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 population who were doing professional
work
Use synonyms
 and technical
work
Use synonyms
. In detail, in
Ashby
Use synonyms
 town,
people
Use synonyms
 who worked in
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
 service field recorded the top occupations which accounted for more than 20%.
However
Linking Words
, in the whole
UK
Use synonyms
 pie chart, office workers comprised 19% as the top one.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the proportion of unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 and
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 workers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 too low compared to the other chart.
Submitted by starmino0113 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, ashby, uk, work with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • occupational distribution
  • employment structure
  • percentages
  • overrepresented
  • underrepresented
  • demographic factors
  • educational background
  • economic implications
  • national average
  • regional variation
  • workforce composition
  • sectoral employment
  • job market dynamics
  • statistical comparison
  • trend analysis
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