Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is hard to deny that learning other
subjects
instead
of the courses or major a university student
chose
would reduce the Wrong verb form
chooses
time
the student
spends on the major courses, and such
a fact leads impressionable people to generate the opinion that students should pay full attention to their majors. However
, such
a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies, and it should be examined meticulously. As far as effectiveness, economy and feasibility are concerned, I strongly hold that students should spend time
on other subjects
in addition
to their main subjects
.
First and foremost, we are now living in a
unprecedented Change the article
an
fast changing
world, most of the occupations require not only Add a hyphen
fast-changing
skills
in a single relam
. To be specific, a Correct your spelling
realm
student
focusing on the main subjects
may get a high qualification in this
field, however
, the students'
career choices are Correct your spelling
student's
also
fixed in this
field. Nowadays most of
Change preposition
apply
the
jobs require Correct article usage
apply
skills
from many different fields, for example
, being a teacher not only requires skills
in teaching and speaking, but also
the skill of communicating.
Furthermore
, the fact that learning about other subjects
require
little money indicates that spending Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
time
on other subjects
while
learning main subjects
is a
economic behaviour. Take the case of myself, a college Correct article usage
an
student
among thousands, I am major
in artificial intelligence,Wrong verb form
majoring
I
always spend Correct word choice
and I
time
learning other subjects
like software developing
and data analysis with the help of the Internet, I can search for thousands of free resources on the Internet. Replace the word
development
As a result
, I can higher salary in my internships, as I am able to work on more things. Had it not been for learning about other subjects
, I would never get
so many choices Wrong verb form
have had
high
salary Correct word choice
and high
in
work.
Change preposition
apply
Nevertheless
, a voice arises that spending time
on other subjects
reduces the time
on main subjects
, it's true as time
is equal to
everyone. Ironically, Change preposition
for
a
people with good Correct article usage
apply
time
-management skills
will never be bothered by this
. As a matter of fact, lots of free time
can be used for studying other subjects
in university, which will not affect getting a
high marks in main Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
subjects
. As the old saying goes, "when
there is a will, there is a way", if a Capitalize word
When
student
wants to learn more things, he or she will definately
get the Correct your spelling
definitely
time
to do so.
In conclusion, spending time
not only on main
Correct article usage
the main
subjects
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
on other subjects
is much better than paying full attention on
Change preposition
to
main
Correct article usage
the main
subjects
.Submitted by RaymondHuang
on
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Grammar
There are several grammar errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'an unprecedented fast changing world' should be 'an unprecedentedly fast-changing world' and 'an economic behaviour' should be 'an economical behavior.'
Coherence & Cohesion
Although the essay is adequately structured, some transitions between points could be smoother, which would improve overall coherence.
Task Achievement
Some arguments could be further developed for greater depth and persuasiveness, and it would be beneficial to add more varied vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Argument
The essay presents both sides of the argument effectively and offers a clear opinion with strong supporting points.
Examples
The inclusion of a personal example strengthens the argument and makes the essay more relatable.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and effective, framing the essay well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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