The natural Sesources such and fresh water as oil, forests. are being consumed. at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems.

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It is certainly true that natural resources

such

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fresh

Correct your spelling

freshwater

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water

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, oil and

forests

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are being used

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show examples

an extremely fast and unethical way.

Due to

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this

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, many issues and the solutions to these issues have been implemented, which I will be discussing below.

Firstly

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, resources like fresh

water

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are at a very low rate around the world. Out of the 78% of the river bodies around the world, only 1.12% is fresh

water

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Due to

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the high consumption, it is decreasing at a very concerning rate.

Moreover

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freshwaterwater

Correct your spelling

freshwater water

itself cannot be replenished, meaning once it is gone it cannot be regained.

Consequently

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, the

water

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we drink is being produced chemically which is not good for our well-being.

Secondly

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forests

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are being absolutely massacred and destroyed

due to

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the amount of construction taking place to build buildings, roads and dams.

As a result

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, the percentage of oxygen in the atmosphere is going down.

This

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leads to severe climate changes like earthquakes and acid rain.

Furthermore

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, wildlife and tribal people are being displaced.

However

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, all of

this

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can be taken care of and solved if only the government looks into the situation and takes some important steps.

Firstly

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, they will have to build campaigns and institutions that look into and observe carefully the abuse of fresh

water

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forests

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etcetera.

Furthermore

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, they should monitor private industries and companies closely, as they illegally chop down

forests

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and overuse the freshwater.

Moreover

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, the government can invest in renewable energy in order to avoid deforestation. In conclusion, sustainable practices and renewable energy investments are crucial to mitigate resource depletion and ensure a balanced ecosystem for future generations.

ahvFri Jul 19 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on the logical structure of your essay. The transitions between some ideas could be smoother and more natural.

task achievement

Try to incorporate more specific and detailed examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.

task achievement

Be mindful of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing: e.g., 'freshwaterwater' should be 'freshwater,' and ‘78% of the river bodies’ should be ‘78% of the Earth's surface is covered by water' and specify correct fresh water percentage.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively set up and wrap up the discussion, which helps in understanding the main points of the essay.

task achievement

The essay addresses the main issues and offers relevant solutions, presenting a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Depletion
Scarcity
Sanitation
Rainwater harvesting
Efficient irrigation systems
Overconsumption
Environmental pollution
Climate change
Renewable energy
Wind power
Solar power
Hydro power
Deforestation
Biodiversity
Ecosystems
Regulations
Logging
Reforestation
Finite resources
Economic instability
Conflicts
Sustainable consumption
International cooperation
Resource management

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The natural Sesources such and fresh water as oil, forests. are being consumed. at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on T.V and reading them on newspaper. What is the reason? Is it a good or bad idea.

Some people think that it is more important to plant trees in open areas of town and cities than to build more housing . To what extent do you agree or disagree?