IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
These bar charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the
diffirance
Correct your spelling
difference
differences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
 percentage between 1995 and 2010 of people inside and outside
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 clear from the chart that
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of people born in
ceities
Correct your spelling
cities
 in and out
Change preposition
of australia
show examples
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
 and in both years account for the highest
rate
.
while
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of people born in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 and towns has been decreased
According to
 what is shown , in 1995 the
rate
 of born in the
ceties
Correct your spelling
cities
 outside
Austrial
Correct your spelling
Australia was
 higher than inside, and it remain as it
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 2010.
While
, the birth in the rural area has been generally
decrease
Change the verb form
decreasing
decreased
show examples
 from 1995 to 2010 , and
Correct article usage
the lowet
show examples
lowet
Correct your spelling
lowest
lower
 percentage was outside Austerial in 2010 (around 8%) ,
Although
 the number of birth dropped in town ,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it shows
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
rate
 than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
 areas in 2010 outside Austerial and almost equal inside.
To sum up
, we could say that, between both years
rate
 of born in
ceties
Correct your spelling
cities
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
 its place ,
while
 the drop noticed in towns and rural areas.
Submitted by meajaberi on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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