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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar chart demonstrates the proportions of Japanese
children
Use synonyms
 of different ages participating in four kinds of activities in 2018. The groups of age are 5-8
years
Use synonyms
 old, 9-11
years
Use synonyms
 old and 12-16
years
Use synonyms
 old,
while
Linking Words
 the categories of activities are watching TV, reading, playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and riding the bike. The most prominent feature on the chart is that
children
Use synonyms
 between 5 to 8
years
Use synonyms
 old favour watching TV the most, the ratio of that reaches 90%, which is the highest in the chart, as for the
children
Use synonyms
 in 9-11 and 12-16
years
Use synonyms
 old, the percentages are the same, 80%. The reading activity shows a similar feature,
children
Use synonyms
 in 9-11
years
Use synonyms
 old and 12-16
years
Use synonyms
 old show the same proportion, 70%,
however
Linking Words
, only 62% of
children
Use synonyms
 in 5-8
years
Use synonyms
 old love reading.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, things become different in playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, as
children
Use synonyms
 grow older, less of them show interest in it, standing at 60%, 56% and 40%
corespondingly
Correct your spelling
correspondingly
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the number of
children
Use synonyms
 who like riding the bike is close in different ages, the ratios are 63%, 61% and 82%. In conclusion, the percentage of
children
Use synonyms
 who love watching TV, reading and riding bikes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not affected by age obviously,
while
Linking Words
 the story is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 in playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, as
children
Use synonyms
 grow older, fewer of them choose to play
games
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, years, computer, games with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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