In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think that one of the developments outweigh the disadvantage?

#countries #people #work #move #friends #families #developments

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Getting a high salary to make your loved ones become wealthy and healthy is highly listed in our life competition in the 21st century. One says just being with

them

Correct pronoun usage

those

show examples

who

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

working is

factor

Add an article

a factor

the factor

show examples

of happiness,

while

Linking Words

the other thinks everything is based on money. My father started working

for

Change preposition

show examples

mining a year ago. Before that time, we were not capable

for

Change preposition

show examples

using

kinds

Correct article usage

the kinds

show examples

of stuff we wanted, following the result of poverty which is just the meaning of Mongolian average

weigat

Correct your spelling

weight

. When

Change the capitalization

show examples

needed to fund money for my school or essential circumstances, used to be afraid to say it to my family who

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

trying their best

tor

Correct your spelling

for

show examples

me. One day, time my father went off from

airport

Add an article

the airport

show examples

to OYU TOLGOl, we did not worry about

such

Linking Words

materialic things. My parents got

chance

Correct article usage

a chance

show examples

to make their children accessible for learning, entertaining, and not

Change preposition

apply

show examples

worrying.

However

Linking Words

, perfection doesn't exist in the world. We siblings unfortunately started missing our dad who was supporting us from far

way

Correct your spelling

away

show examples

feeling inside my heart and mom secretly too. Even though it happened, we knew there

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

always a way to solve any problem. We always

making

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

video

call

Fix the agreement mistake

calls

show examples

on internet platforms,

talking

Wrong verb form

talk

show examples

about new stories

happened

Correct pronoun usage

that happened

show examples

to us and

sending

Wrong verb form

send

show examples

glorious

gift

Fix the agreement mistake

gifts

show examples

to each other. We learnt to feel

side

Add an article

the side

show examples

of loneliness Now we are used to living in

this

Linking Words

life already because we know what it is for and it will not continue eternally. It’s for my future, meant to be there.

Submitted by sodoo on Sat Jul 20 2024

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introduction conclusion present

The essay lacks a proper introduction and a conclusion that summarizes your main points. Try to establish a clear structure with an introductory paragraph, body paragraphs, and a concluding paragraph.

clear comprehensive ideas

There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing ('One says just being with them who is working is factor of happiness.'), which could be improved for clearer expression. Consider proofreading your work or using grammar-check tools.

supported main points

Expand on your ideas and provide more examples to support your claims. For instance, detail more about how relocating for work has both positive and negative impacts based on personal or observed experiences.

relevant specific examples

You've provided a clear, personal example of how relocating for work has affected your family, which makes your argument relatable and engaging.

complete response

Your essay touches on both perspectives of the debate: emotional well-being versus financial stability. This demonstrates a balanced view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think that one of the developments outweigh the disadvantage?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe the professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?