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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart below demonstrates the number of
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 who passed their driving test in one Asian country from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 passing
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 always been higher than
men
Use synonyms
 within the
30 year
Add a hyphen
30-year
show examples
 period, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 achieving the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of driving tests passed ever recorded on the table. In 1980,
women
Use synonyms
 achieved approximately 50% on the chart , compared to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 mere 30% of
men
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 difference would fluctuate in the next periods, but the
women
Use synonyms
's
percentage
Use synonyms
 of driving tests passed
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 always higher compared to
men
Use synonyms
. In 1990, the number of
women
Use synonyms
 passed increased by about 4%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
men
Correct quantifier usage
number of men
show examples
 increased by almost 10% shortening the gap down to 14% only. Between 2000 and 2010, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 got their driver's licence was roughly 50%, and
this
Linking Words
 number did not change in 2010.
Women
Use synonyms
 experienced a
suddne
Correct your spelling
sudden
 surge in numbers, achieving nearly 70%, the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 bar chart. Over the next 10 years, the numbers would decrease slowly, ending at 65% in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Pass rate
  • Driving test
  • Trend
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Milestone
  • Comparison
  • Significant difference
  • Broad social changes
  • Policy changes
  • Surpass
  • Reflect
  • Implications
  • Disparity
  • Overall trends
  • Summarize
  • Statistical data
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